tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post3643216932604919820..comments2024-03-07T16:08:49.323+00:00Comments on London, Lanka and drums: Behaviour - How Do You Do Yours?Rhythmic Diasporahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15184142486414379805noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-28916403881241504872009-10-20T05:00:17.966+01:002009-10-20T05:00:17.966+01:00Wow, to be honest I don't think I've ever ...Wow, to be honest I don't think I've ever come across this situation. <br /><br />It's quite interesting that you let this go on for so long... did you think she would suddenly change at some point? Cos otherwise the annoyance was kinda inevitable. <br /><br />I'd give her credit for offering to pay initially. Maybe some people prefer to pay for their halves upfront instead of a comparatively more complicated he pays, she pays, he pays system. what if you spend more on lunch than she does? does she only shout you once for the twice that you pay for her? Headache!Sunshine Junkiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18050231751977786753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-34873741651073293742009-10-19T14:45:02.855+01:002009-10-19T14:45:02.855+01:00Keep up the standards... :)Keep up the standards... :)Angelhttp://angelwithapitchfork.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-30498438797092449172009-10-19T12:13:18.231+01:002009-10-19T12:13:18.231+01:00Twist what?Twist what?Java Joneshttp://javajones.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-781700842918923602009-10-19T09:50:35.952+01:002009-10-19T09:50:35.952+01:00It wouldn't work in SL - too many parasites th...It wouldn't work in SL - too many parasites that would immediately take advantage of the situation. I should know, my dad was taken advantage of for his generosity by countless others. He would sometimes realise it and wonder why people were like that but he would never change his behaviour or be less nice to them. End result - he was always there for quite a few of those people at their time of need, but when he needed them, most of them had better things to do. So if you look at it in a mathematical way, he was operating at a loss and his 'decency' was not rewarded in the slightest.<br /><br />As a result, I'm pretty much like your friend that you first mentioned. It's not about dropping my standards to adopt theirs, it's about making a level playing field. I'm not going to waste my time or money trying to teach them a lesson in basic decency, that's not my job. So if I buy them lunch and they don't buy me lunch the next time, I won't get into that situation ever again (I'd demand money for their lunch or I'd refuse point blank the next time). I might have fewer friends that way but the friends I do have would have been 'tried and tested'. I won't be living under the delusion that I have lots of friends who will be there for me when I need them, only to find myself deserted when I need someone to get me a sandwich.Darwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17662013387101984384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-79813944415681555852009-10-19T09:19:15.210+01:002009-10-19T09:19:15.210+01:00Well, I came to SL before the age when I started l...Well, I came to SL before the age when I started looking @ the world from a more mature perspective, so I wouldn't be in a position to answer that but, perhaps, that's human nature! :)Thiru Cumaranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00725967506183431987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-43098764190969756602009-10-19T09:16:29.047+01:002009-10-19T09:16:29.047+01:00CT - I wonder if that's how people are in gene...CT - I wonder if that's how people are in general, not just Lanka.Rhythmic Diasporahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15184142486414379805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-56289310904676308032009-10-19T09:11:18.990+01:002009-10-19T09:11:18.990+01:00In response to one of the anonymous comments, I th...In response to one of the anonymous comments, I think it's <b>very</b> difficult to implement ur practice, RD, in SL because ppl <b>always</b> take advantage! There's like a person in 100 who would be nice enough not to do so, but the rest are really rotten! :(Thiru Cumaranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00725967506183431987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-31760548299041575032009-10-19T09:09:56.985+01:002009-10-19T09:09:56.985+01:00A general reply to the comments so far:
It does s...A general reply to the comments so far:<br /><br />It does seem that there's no right or wrong in this dilemna, that one way works for you and another works for me. I guess the problems arise when one starts to question if the chosen behaviour is working, which is my current situation. Or maybe it's better to have different modes of behaviour and adapt these to the 3rd party. I wonder if anyone does that, or do we all insist on maintaining our mode regardless of the other people involved.<br /><br />It is an interesting discussion and I hope we get more input.Rhythmic Diasporahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15184142486414379805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-1042847646059197412009-10-19T09:02:22.878+01:002009-10-19T09:02:22.878+01:00I was reading about zen masters earlier today, and...I was reading about zen masters earlier today, and realised I too have a long way to go before reaching that higher plane. <br /><br />I behave like the friend you refer to. However there is a positive side to it. I believe in the world of finites. Finite time, finite energy finite resources, and money is one of them. <br /><br />If you use up your time, energy or money on people who really dont deserve them, what happens to people who do. <br /><br />Of course "deserving " is a judgement call, another post idea for you perhaps. But until I find a way to have infinite resources, then I see no option. <br /><br />It's preservation. Of ones sanity, and time, and energy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-29527535685327813732009-10-19T08:50:13.602+01:002009-10-19T08:50:13.602+01:00Amazingly I'm quite like you in that I give ti...Amazingly I'm quite like you in that I give till I'm finally sick and tired of the other person's callousness and then they've had it from me! Yet, I have found over the years that ur friend's attitude, a bit harsh though it is, seems to save one much trouble, and pulls up the other person too! That basically is what my rather tough/no nonsense hubby would do, and counsels me to do too! And honestly,I'm learning that it does help and saves me much pain at times!:) you shd try it too!<br /><br />FAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-15877506062629717962009-10-19T07:38:53.516+01:002009-10-19T07:38:53.516+01:00Stick.Stick.Electrahttp://electra.blogsome.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-58515552574754571012009-10-19T07:08:24.956+01:002009-10-19T07:08:24.956+01:00RD, the situation you speak of is common to many S...RD, the situation you speak of is common to many SL’s. We are by nature generous/hospitable people. <br />In college in US, we had a SL house, anyone visiting on a Friday night would share with us whatever food we had and especially beer and alcohol. We honestly did not notice it until our very good American friends pointed out to us that there were quite a few people who would eat, drink and disappear omitting the being merry with us part. <br />It continues to happen to me even now…<br />I find it like you difficult, but if it’s obvious as in the case you mentioned, bugger them!<br />I believe that we should not change our good behaviours just because a few around us do not reciprocate. However one must be aware of and draw the line if it’s obvious that someone’s taking granted of them and avoid those people at all costs. <br /><br />GDMRD and all the best for the week ahead.ViceUnVersahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07478905264721929121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-46980594464723043402009-10-19T06:50:02.142+01:002009-10-19T06:50:02.142+01:00Luckily, I don't know too many ppl who are lik...Luckily, I don't know too many ppl who are like the Tesco girl, though it's perhaps because I haven't started going to a 'physical' workplace as of yet..<br /><br />However, I find myself guilty of being somewhat like your friend...give tit-for-tat. I can tolerate stuff to a certain extent but find that my tolerance level is not that much. My dad does scold me, saying that we should maintain our dignity, and I too think about that often, that we shouldn't be lowering our standards, but sometimes, you find that people will really take advantage of you if you try to be nice and accomodating...<br /><br />It really depends on the ppl....some ppl are real angels, so I go out of my way to help them cos I know that they appreciate it. However, there are those pricks who think "ah heck, he seems to be an 'illichcha vaayan' (a colloquial tamil word, loosely translates to 'gullible person), so let's just milk everything we can out of him".Thiru Cumaranhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00725967506183431987noreply@blogger.com