tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post6435362460903106245..comments2024-03-07T16:08:49.323+00:00Comments on London, Lanka and drums: Of Mothers And DaughtersRhythmic Diasporahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15184142486414379805noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-42760052419907739862007-12-29T13:57:00.000+00:002007-12-29T13:57:00.000+00:00Phew - well done for generating so many comments, ...Phew - well done for generating so many comments, some of which I like more than others for obvious reasons. All I wanted to add is that not all MDRs are equal and some are rather dysfunctional!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-57349389936537594662007-12-23T05:30:00.000+00:002007-12-23T05:30:00.000+00:00interesting post and inspired me to write somethin...interesting post and inspired me to write something because in my case the father-daughter relationship is the more functional and closer one. It's my dad I talk to about anything before I talk to my mother. Definitely going to write something about this :)Sachinihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15344051624083362490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-52238333466691692872007-12-17T07:13:00.000+00:002007-12-17T07:13:00.000+00:00Yellow Suddi - Thanks so much, that's very nice of...Yellow Suddi - Thanks so much, that's very nice of you to say.<BR/><BR/>Supun - I wasn't saying that I don't or won't talk to my daughters about it, just that there are things I don't want to discuss on my blog. <BR/><BR/>I don't actually agree with you on the nuclear family thing. I think a happily married mother and father can be a great basis for a happy nuclear family which can also be beneficial for the kids. But, I believe there are many children who are very happy and haven't been brought up by a mother and father as well.<BR/><BR/>In my own case both myself and the girls' mother have been keen to get the message across that we are still their Mum and Dad even when we're still not married.<BR/><BR/>The divorce thing is always hard but I think sometimes we all have to take a step back in order to go forwards.Rhythmic Diasporahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15184142486414379805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-28380830689309995132007-12-17T00:52:00.000+00:002007-12-17T00:52:00.000+00:00Rhythmic- I understand that you dont want to conve...Rhythmic- I understand that you dont want to convey how your marriage broke, but I can say that your daughters may understand how you feel and the divorce (a disaster that it is) will not have such a huge impact on them. The truth to the matter is that a nuclear family ( a mom and a dad) is necessary for children's upbringing. It gives them equilibrium and stability. As a lankan girl born in Western country, I see how easy "white" people take divorce. It is merely signing of a few papers.Women and men here just have such high egos and never want to compromise. A marriage is something you have to work at..it takes patience, trust, sacrifice and commitment. <BR/><BR/>Anyways,hope your girls grow up with no bitterness and hope you can move on with your life. Why dont you start dating again/look for a suitable partner? What is your age?Supunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10863295102007950846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-30219546274281689522007-12-16T19:44:00.000+00:002007-12-16T19:44:00.000+00:00The fact that you're so incredibly introspective a...The fact that you're so incredibly introspective and insightful about the whole thing means that you're going to do fine.<BR/><BR/>Really, I admire how you are putting so much love, effort and dedication into being a good dad to your daughters.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-87533127238646310622007-12-16T12:00:00.000+00:002007-12-16T12:00:00.000+00:00Mia - Thanks for the comment and the insight into ...Mia - Thanks for the comment and the insight into your relationships with your children. <BR/><BR/>I think that the things you say about your daughter talking to you about the things she had been up to and the things going on in her life are actually great examples of some of the types of behaviour I was writing about.<BR/><BR/>"I had to drag out how his day was and what he had been up to" kind of backs up what I think about the way sons interract with their mothers.<BR/><BR/>But Mia, please don't take anything that I write too seriously. I meant this as a slightly tongue in cheek look at some of the differences between parent and child relationships, not as a serious commentary. <BR/><BR/>I'm sure that what Ravana said about his relationship with his mother wasn't meant to portray how they behave all the time as well.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for the reading and the long comment.Rhythmic Diasporahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15184142486414379805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-5142767685590384302007-12-15T23:55:00.000+00:002007-12-15T23:55:00.000+00:00“his mother talking "at" him was not just a perfec...“his mother talking "at" him was not just a perfect narrative of a Sri Lankan mother and son relationship. No, it described every mother and son relationship that has ever existed” <BR/> <BR/>What generalisation!<BR/><BR/>I have a son with whom I can sit and have a conversation. I never talk ‘at’ him because there is no need to do that. When we sit down to have a conversation he shows interest, listens and asks questions. I am not in a position to relate how other mother/son relationships are but mine definitely isn’t as you claimed all relationships to be. <BR/><BR/>My daughter on the other hand does not care what I do nor does she listen when I tell about my days' events. She is fully absorbed in her life and when we do have a conversation I can see from her facial expressions that she is tolerantly waiting for me to stop so she can tell about her doings. <BR/><BR/>I travelled to SL by myself once and every time I called them, my son asked things like “how is SL, mum?” “How are you mum?” “Don’t go to Tiger areas, mum” “You stay safe, mum” and such. I had to drag out how his day was and what he has been up to etc.<BR/>When my daughter came on line she never, I mean never asked how I was. Conversations with her went something like “mum, N is having a “black parade party, and I am painting a black shirt to wear”<BR/>"A’s B’day is next Monday and I bought a beautiful pair of earring for her but I don’t know what I should wear. Do you think I should wear that skirt with that top and boots?” and things like that.<BR/><BR/>And I don’t believe in your claim of father son relationships existing in a happy equilibrium either. In some instances this can’t be more wrong and you wish it was the case.<BR/>I am sorry if I came out strong but you didn’t just talk about your personal life rather made sweeping statements which are not wholly true. <BR/>Sorry for the long post tooAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-29166287123242029532007-12-15T08:35:00.000+00:002007-12-15T08:35:00.000+00:00Undivine Intervention - Thanks for the compliments...Undivine Intervention - Thanks for the compliments, feel free to pop in here and look around, I like some of your poetry too.Rhythmic Diasporahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15184142486414379805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-552091829953326462007-12-14T15:53:00.000+00:002007-12-14T15:53:00.000+00:00Divorces are tough! Hang in there! Anyhoo, moving ...Divorces are tough! Hang in there! Anyhoo, moving on, I stumbled upon this blog by chance and I must say it's nice to find one that's entertaining, for a change! Er..that's not to say I find your life funny or anything. Just entertaining.Bloody hell. Why do my compliments always sound like insults? <BR/>Either way, coming from a "family" and being very much in the same position that your kids are now, all I can say is good luck, I suppose. To your kids, I mean.Undivine Interventionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06370030294824856037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-91617752779220382302007-12-14T15:46:00.000+00:002007-12-14T15:46:00.000+00:00Divorces are tough! Hang in there! Anyway I stumbl...Divorces are tough! Hang in there! Anyway I stumbled upon this blog by chance...and you write very well :) an entertaining blog at last. Err...that's not to say I find your life funny or anything. Just entertaining. Bloody hell...Why do my my compliments always sound so insulting!?Undivine Interventionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06370030294824856037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-35018730950280581562007-12-14T09:01:00.000+00:002007-12-14T09:01:00.000+00:00Ravana - Damn, I didn't know that.Indyana - I'm re...Ravana - Damn, I didn't know that.<BR/><BR/>Indyana - I'm really not beating myself up about it, just observing how the relationships are different. Drawing that line between trying to play both roles when the girls are with me and accepting that there are things a Dad just won't be able to do is interesting and trying though.Rhythmic Diasporahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15184142486414379805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-35993706237621355592007-12-14T08:24:00.000+00:002007-12-14T08:24:00.000+00:00Despite being in a MDR ,as you put it, I'm sadly n...Despite being in a MDR ,as you put it, I'm sadly not doing it too well! I think it's a result of trying so hard to change myself to be a mother of boys,when my daughter finally came along I had already unlearned the delicate skills of mothering a girl!So don't beat yourself about it!I'm sure the fact that you will always be there for your girls will send them the right signals, and they will see you as a pillar of strength for life...I hope!That's what dad's are really!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-83346846870214165382007-12-14T07:59:00.000+00:002007-12-14T07:59:00.000+00:00Dustin Hoffman plays the bongo drums.Dustin Hoffman plays the bongo drums.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-84703448359733511002007-12-14T07:52:00.000+00:002007-12-14T07:52:00.000+00:00I think that's a smart choice because if you start...I think that's a smart choice because if you start wearing your heart on your sleeve publicly on a blog, especially a blog that lotsa SL folk read, you're only going to end up regretting it. Not only would you be airing dirty laundry in public, you'd also have to justify your personal choices to morons who have no clue about the situation but yet pass their judgment on your choices i.e. 'divorce is wrong why not try to stay together for the kids sake' school-of-thought types.<BR/><BR/>My family structure is just me, my mom, my dad. Needless to say that makes us all very very close to each other:)Darwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17662013387101984384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-17333718962044249572007-12-14T07:08:00.000+00:002007-12-14T07:08:00.000+00:00Supun - Thanks for the compliment. With regards to...Supun - Thanks for the compliment. With regards to your questions they're things that I prefer to remain private to be honest. I'm happy to talk about that sort of stuff with friends and family but not comfortable with putting it out on the blogosphere for all to see. <BR/><BR/>Whenever I mention my divorce related stuff on this blog I try to only talk about my own thoughts, those that the girls wouldn't be offended about if they saw them in years to come. I hope you understand.Rhythmic Diasporahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15184142486414379805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-68746811573327621542007-12-14T04:37:00.000+00:002007-12-14T04:37:00.000+00:00my family structure is much like urs. i've got 2 b...my family structure is much like urs. i've got 2 bros. between father and son or brothers we may joke, laugh and stuff. but i wouldn't say we have a seamless bond as u describe MDRs. ur right, MDRs are on another level. For some reason it can never be achieved when there's a man involved.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23964814.post-53983544966953317602007-12-13T23:52:00.000+00:002007-12-13T23:52:00.000+00:00Its so great to hear your interpretation of being ...Its so great to hear your interpretation of being divorced. How did you relationship break? Where there any things that occurred which made it end? Couldnt you remember the reason why both of you married each other in the first place? Why not try for the girls' sake?Supunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10863295102007950846noreply@blogger.com