Dominic Sansoni - Simple, My Arse!

I was checking out Dom's photoblog the other day and came across this post. In his reply to some complimentary comments the Honourable Mr S says:

"Very simple, fly over something nice and just point camera out the window"

I read and made a noise. The noise went like this:

"Pah" though I was on my own watching a football match on TV and no one heard me, so I could be making it up, or exaggerating, something I do all the time.

My "Pah" was because his "blah, blah just point and shoot" comment reminded me of a story my Grandmother used to narrate. You know how Grandmothers, in between their sporadic outbursts of total madness, can pass on nuggets of wisdom that stick in your head waiting for the appropriate moment to show themselves.

In my experience the nuggets have a tendency to sleep through the one point in my life when they should have revealed themselves and helped me, then they wake about a month later and find they've missed the boat entirely.

Well this story, as told by aforementioned Grandmother, went like this:

A chap, we'll call him Alphonso, as it's a name I like, have heard often but never come across in real life, well, apart from in the world of mangos of course, goes into a garage. He's accompanied by his car. I don't know exactly what car it is as my Grandmother never told me and I wouldn't want to make things up. There's a knocking sound coming from the engine.

The mechanic asks if he can help. Alphonso tells him that there's a knocking sound coming from the engine and he wondered if the mechanic could take a look. You already knew about the knocking sound but the mechanic didn't, for he didn't read my blog.

He looks, he hisses, tuts and takes a good few sharp intakes of breath, the first things they teach you at semi skilled tradesman classes.

"Can you fix it?" our hero asks.

"Yes I can"

Alphonso instructs the mechanic to do the business. Our skilled manual labourer walks over to his tool kit and grabs a hammer. He heads to the engine bay with it and smacks a part of the engine just once, then asks Alphonso to start the car.

Alphonso carries out the instruction and finds the noise gone and the engine sounding sweet as a nut. He's pleased about that, though wonders why the saying exists as nuts aren't really sweet, and asks the semi skilled labourer how much he is owed.

"That'll be a hundred pounds" he says assertively.

"£100! You're joking aren't you?" Alphonso says. It's interesting to note that Alphonso always said numbers in digits whereas the mechanic used the full written words.

"How can it be £100? You only smacked it with a hammer, anyone could have done that"

"Well that's the price and you're paying it"

"Okay, in that case I want a breakdown of the bill, there's no way you can justify that price"

The mechanic ambles off towards the office area, does some stuff with a pen and paper and returns a minute or two later. He gives the paper to Alphonso. It's an itemised bill, it says:

"Hitting engine with hammer - £5

20 years experience, knowledge and training to know exactly where to hit with hammer - £95

Total £100"

Alphonso paid the bill. He was faced with a mechanic with a hammer after all.

The moral of the story. Well there are two; Firstly that when these fellows say something like "just point and shoot" they're actually being bashful. The difference between them and us is that they've put in all that effort, work and practice into knowing exactly where to point, when to shoot and which settings to use.

Secondly?

Never take your car to Dominic Sansoni to get it fixed.