Lately In The Lankanosphere

Yes, it's back. It's been a long time since the last "lately" post in these parts, mostly because there just hasn't been much in the Lankan blogosphere that's caught my reading eye. Most of my regular reads have gone quiet or now prefer to splash out quick 140 character tweets or Facebook status updates, usually saying how much they hate Facebook's latest look, instead of sitting down and putting the effort in to write sntces + wrds tht arnt abbrvted.

Many of these former bloggers are so outrightly selfish that they concentrate on their own lives, never thinking about the enjoyment of us, their readers. And Kottu has morphed into more of an aggregator than it ever used to be. Say what you like about fixing the most read lists but there used to be a sense of interaction and community on Kottu that's no longer there. It's become like a band that have split up but get back together now and again to do a tour just for the money.

And then this week there was a shift in the Earth's vibrations, a sneeze in the Lankanosphere and my interest was captured.

First Java Jones whacked one out. Then he wrote a post. There are many blogging youngsters who are unaware of the legend that is Java Jones, of his widespread influence among many of us, not to mention that he's a cat only matched in coolness by TC. Or Huggy Bear, but he's not a cat. As a young up and coming blogger all those years ago I'd read Java's posts and wish I could write with his fluidity and sheer fucking sense of craziness. They tell me that copious amount of drug taking helps with this.

These days JJ has semi retired and spends most of his time living in the hill country. He blogs only occasionally and spends the majority of his time practicing the vuvuzela. He's one of only a handful of professional vuvuzela players in the world and is a first call session player for most of the world's top gigs. He'll deny it though, he's humble and bashful like that. You thought it was a saxaphone at the beginning of Gerry Rafferty's Baker Street didn't you? Well it's not, it's JJ, doing his vuvuzela thing.

His post is only a brief one, on his thoughts on the Wikileaks cable saga, but worth its weight in gold and it got my attention immediately. I urge you to check it out and comment demanding that he writes more.

Then Dramaqueen, usually as elusive as a huge big invisible and soundless monster who's decided to have a game of hide and seek, decided to spurt out not just one, but four posts, all in one day. Somewhere in there lurks a joke about four poster beds. I wish I was wittier, as you do probably. About me I mean, not about you. You probably think you're quite funny as it is.

The thing about DQ is that she's funny, in a slightly animal loving and sensitive way. I can imagine that an evening with her, involving drinking games and farting would be incredibly good fun, until the point that an innocent fellow cracked a joke about killing cats or breeding Christmas trees for commercial reasons. Then all hell would break loose and the farting would stop.

Grab yourself a few minutes and read her posts, my favourite is this one, the story of her first full body massage. (insert smutty joke here......) Any girl who can write about farting gets my vote every time.

DD also came out with a quickie. His blog isn't one I find easy on the eye, what with its various adverts blaring out at full volume all the time, but I'm always keen to read his perusings. The latest one is entitled the £600 haircut and it's about, well a £600 haircut. At first glance I saw the opening picture of him and assumed that he was showing us the "before the haircut" situation.

"Not a problem" I thought, a decent hairdresser should be able to tidy up that mess and do great things with it. I read on and, without giving too much away, I'll only say that I hope DD got a receipt!

Also catching the RD eye lately has been this new blog called I am. I've mentioned it before but it deserves another shout. It's an eye and earcatching combination of images and narrative, all about Sri Lanka's regional identities, told through the eyes of some highly thought provoking characters.

Dominic Sansoni himself told me the other day that it's much, much harder than it appears to put images and sound together and come up with something so special. I noticed that he was talking to his mouth was actually making the movements for the word before the one I was hearing. So it must be true then. Check it out and see for yourself.

Groundviews has gone to the shops and got itself a sexy new look for the festive season. I must admit that I can't figure out if the logo is new or if it's always been there, but I wonder if Sanjana, at the merest hint of a rights violation, rushes into a phone box, does a spin and emerges with a T shirt with the GV logo on, some extra fast slippers and his pants on the outside. Actually, as I think on it I realise that's how he was dressed last time I met him anyway. Presumably he must have been rushing to an emergency.

This post by Michael Meyler tells us Suddhas about the word "goday". I just wish I was able to pronounce it correctly without you guys looking puzzled and then laughing at me once you realise what I'm attempting to say. The esteemed Mr Meyler tells us that the nearest word to "goday" in contemporary English s the word "naff".

With the utmost respect to him I disagree. I reckon it's "chav" or "chavvy". Just ask the Auf, he'll back me on this. And talking of the Auf I've heard it on good authority that there may be a little bit of Auf love in the air. I won't tell you who's involved but let's just say that myself and Pseudorandom are currently busily writing our speeches.

The Indi.ca channel has been particularly busy of late. He points out in this post that the noughties is almost over. The fact had escaped me until I read it. Bloody hell, that's another decade gone. In my life it's fair to say that it was a pretty big one, how was it for you?

Rajaratarala, him with all the As, published this post, all about eggs, chickens and the possibility of them being imported for the festive season. Clearly it's a chicken egg situation. That's all I have to say on the matter.

That's pretty much it for now. If you want more you know where to look. It's ever so slightly awash with posts on how to make your blog look like a Christmas tree, film reviews or out of focus pictures taken on someone's mobile of Murali dancing at a party but, once you filter through all of that stuff, there are some gems to be found.

As they say in France, this isn't goodbye, just bonjour.

RD

Dear 16 - The Audit Trail

The Dear 16 year old me has been, it's fair to say, quite a success. Of course success is relative and I mean that it's been a success if one judges it by the volume of posts that have resulted and the general "interest" factor.

If you'll let me be honest with you I'll inform you that I feel quite the proud father about this. I mean to say, I sort of started it. And, while there's a small dose of honesty going around here I should share the fact that I so nearly lied to you in that original post. You see I was so close to pretending that the topic itself was my idea when the truth was that I'd seen it on Jonathan Ross' Twitter. I'm not sure on the apostrophe situation with the name "Ross" either.

My initial post tagged the Gypsy and DD, some wise choices I had thought. If one wants a tag to take off and spread like wildfire (the fires that are wild not the band, who are no longer I think) then these two bloggers appeared perfect. The Gypsy, though prone to strange hand movements, can always be relied upon to come out with an eloquent and elegant bit of wordcraft. We waited for a few days and then she did her stuff. Ever the rebel though, she went and tagged three people, that's a whole fifty per cent more than was allowed in the rules. The cheek of the girl!

DD responded and tagged the Blacker Bros, a risky and dangerous move. These ad people are generally too cool for school and it was always a gamble as to whether the bros Blacker would respond. I played a gig the other night to a room full of ad people and they stood there, arms crossed, with a look on their faces as if we'd just told them that they could do with dressing a bit more trendily when they go to work. Yes, they're a tough crowd.

But TKRP responded pretty quickly with this post and, some days later DB kicked out this beauty. It started a minor spat about the exact period in which DD and DB actually met as well, always a bonus. The bros done well.

About this time I thought I might try and do a chart of sorts, just to see how things had, and would progress. After some deliberation I settled on Word as the software of choice. For a bloke with my knowledge there wasn't a lot of deliberation to be done and Word was the only I have a passing knowledge of that might have done the job. I proceeded and drew lines, arrows and added in links and all sorts of things that I hadn't the slightest clue could be done.

The chart is rapidly becoming an indecipherable scrawl of blue and black ink, but I hope, if you decide to click and enlarge it, that you'll be able to follow the story so far. So far up until Friday morning that is. I'm at home and it's Sunday evening as I write this, you'll most likely be reading the post on Monday and the chart outlines the position as at Friday morning. If your first name is Dr and your surname is Who then you might just understand that last sentence.

My last foray into the Lankanosphere showed that there have been a few more people writing their Dear 16 post. I wonder if it will continue or if it will get too boring soon. Surely there must come a point at which we all get bored of hearing how we were all desperately trying to have sex at 16, how none of us actually had done and how much wiser we are at this age. It's interesting to observe that we all think we've learned loads between 16 and now, whatever now is, yet we talk as if we know it all now.

I wonder if I'll write a letter to the 43 year old me when I'm 70 and think that I knew nothing when I was 43. It's also a damn scary thought that the gap between 16 and now is that same as that between now and being 70, if my maths is correct of course.

Many of the Dear 16s have been poignant, touching and quite revealing. Dinidu's is one such example, though he had the audacity to tag me. If he'd been within striking distance I'd have attempted to give him a cuff round the ear. Instead I sent him a copy of the chart with a note saying that I started it. Sometimes these kids have to be told.

I'm still waiting for Hissyfits' one, pretty much guaranteed to be funnier than a jar full of Stephen Fry's Tweets on acid, and I've discovered a bunch of blogs that I had never read before, always a good thing.

I'll keep on trying to update the chart but I fear it won't be long before I drown in the scrawl, or at least need to go on to a second page, which could be way beyond me. In the meantime if anyone wants an emailed copy of it just ask, leave a comment or whatever and I'll chuck it across.

Happy Monday all.

Photo Of The Moment

It's by Dinidu.

It's brilliant.

Kottu - The TV Series

On Indi's original post about the Kottu Mag a comment by David Blacker almost slipped by unnoticed. I say "almost" because I for one did notice it. It was like the tiniest flick in my mind, only this particular tiny flick was against a domino piece that was leaning against another, which was leaning against another, which was.... you get the picture.

DB said, and I'm taking a big risk here and reproducing without his written permission, which might result in him suing me, killing me or just shrugging his shoulders:

"The TV idea we talked about, which takes it into a different dimension, might be better."

Ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, I thought. A TV series, now we're really cooking, though it probably wouldn't be a cooking programme, this is when it gets truly adventurous and exciting.

And who would I choose to play the Lankan bloggers in this new series that's almost certainly on the cards?

Firstly, probably most importantly there's Indi himself. An ideas chap with energy and enthsiasm, youngish and with highly a suspicious sense of fashion about him. Yes, there can be no doubt that Tony Montana, as played by Al Pacino, would be perfect for the role. Indi likes to play that game, Risk, and it's only a few steps away from being like Tony Montana. It fits.

Next I thought about Dinidu. His youthful zest for life, his endearing naivety about things, which gets knocked out of us older people and we often wish it hadn't been, his intellect and warmth are things that would have to be portrayed by a skilled actor with sensitivity and care. At first I instantly thought of Leonardo DiCaprio, but I think his hair's not quite right for it. I settled on the now retired Rick Moranis. Perhaps the prospect of playing Mr de Alwis would tease him out of retirement.

Let's look at some women.

First there's the Queen of the Lankanosphere, The Missing Sandwich. There wasn't much thinking needed for her role. With her pink hair, her deep thinking and out of the box ideas, her quirkiness and drive I knew immediately who'd be perfect for this. Yes, Phoebe Buffay from Friends is the automatic and natural choice.

Next is our Gyppo, a bird who possesses a dangerous combination of looks and brain, rather like an Ostrich. And neither of them can fly, adding to the spookiness of the Ostrich / Gypsy connection. Who' d be able to fit the looks and brains mould, retaining the sense of youth and vim that G12 exudes. Ah yes, that Jessica Biel girl would slot in quite nicely, with a bit of work needed on her Lankan accent of course.

No episode of our new Kottu based soap would be complete without Lady Divine taking up a fair amount of on screen time. She'd be one of the main characters, liked by all and admired by many. I think there's a certain motherly tone to her, in the nicest possible way, and there's quirkiness in there too. If you've read her last two posts about growing up I'm sure you'll agree.

So continuing along the characters from Friends scenario started earlier the natural choice would be Monica Geller. Problems may arise if Chandler gets a part, but I haven't decided this yet.

Next we come to the very important role of Cerno. We need a wise and fatherly fellow to fill these big shoes. Someone a bit off the wall but with common sense, someone who can run with pack and also sprint ahead of it when he wants to. It needs to be a unique actor and Jean - Luc Picard, the best ever Captain of the USS Enterprise could, with a bit of coaching, be the man for the job.

David Blacker? Well I considered this for a nano second, maybe even less, and a certain Bruce Willis, once in the frame, was perfect. He's got the thinking man's hard man thing going on and he wouldn't have to shave his head either. I thought about Sly Stallone and Mickey Rourke for the key Blacker part but they both lacked the sophistication needed.

As for DD, well we need someone who's a little, ahem, more mature. We need a person who can portray DD with all his quirkiness and emotion. A thespian who used to have it and has still got it, you know what I mean. A chap who's continually changing with the times, evolving more quickly than those scary dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. Step up Jack Nicholson. Perfect.

And what about villains? There are only two that need to be included; Sittingnut and Voice In Colombo. After some thought and a few auditions I feel that they need to be portrayed by a double act, they go together, but not in a John Travolta and Olivia Newton John way. I've decided on Harry and Marv from the Home Alone films. Joe Pesci as Harry would play Sittingnut and Marv would be VIC.

St Fallen, the new hero and centre of the Kottu can be played by a young and rebellious type, someone who's dangerous, who women and gay men want to sleep with and other men want to be. James Dean, obviously back from the dead, is lined up for this.

As we near the end of my casting special post there are only three people left. The legend that is Java Jones, the legendess that is Naz Sansoni and the, well me.

Java's role is a crucial one. Played by an actor with presence and wisdom. He most probably wouldn't pop up in every episode but his appearances would be important, big and meaty. And Morgan Freeman, after some serious negotation has agreed to fill these rather large shoes.

For the role of Naz there were a few considerations but only one true possibility and that actress is Sharon Stone. She's got the mixture of maturity, style and sexiness and likes a dance or two. She can't work on Tuesdays though so we'll have to work around that.

I'm low profile in this production. Obviously my first thought for the actor to play me was Brad Pitt, but he's a little bit too out there and I felt as though he'd fail to portray the inner me, the sensitive RD that you all know. So I've settled on Johnny Depp, I figure he'd be able to do put across my foibles as well as my extreme intelligence. He's not perfect but I'm willing to compromise.

That's it. Apologies if I've missed anyone out, feel free to make any additions. I think I've done the hard bit now, all that's left is for someone to write the thing and film it. Easy.

Have a nice week all.

Photo Of The Moment

By that Dinidu chap.

He's come up with a right little scorcher here.

The colours, the rustic feel to it, the composition and the proportions make this quite a picture. The plant thing just tops it all off rather nicely, like a good old dollop of double cream on the cake.

Nice one son!

Psst...Wanna Be My Next Of kin?

There I was, casually filling out a form the other day. Come to think of it now I can't remember what the form was. Ah yes, it was a piece of paper that needed filling out, that was it.

I came to a bit in which I had to write my next of kin. I faltered, I halted and I stumbled, rather like a really crap triple jumper. You see it's actually a good few years since I had to fill in a next of kin thing and I didn't know whose name to insert.

Next of kin in terms of money, estates and all that big stuff is all taken care of in my will. Next of kin in terms of who should be called if I get hit by that proverbial bus is another matter. For the record I should tell you that I think bus drivers get an unfair hard time on this issue. We talk endlessly about what would happen if we "get hit by a bus" and there's no need for it. Pilots, truck drivers and car drivers never get mentioned and I think that's wrong and harsh. I might start a campaign about it you know.

For almost twenty years I would have put my ex's name in the next of kin bit. Of course that isn't really an option now for all the obvious reasons. And putting C's name there is a seemingly logical choice, if it weren't for the fact that she's usually found in the depths of Singapore, hardly great for a quick dash to my bedside.

I then contemplated writing down A or K and promptly rejected either of those options. From what you know about K I'm sure you can totally understand this and, as for A, well she's at that huffy teenager phase and any request to her is usually met with lots of sighs and mutterings along the lines of

"God Dad (huff) you're ruining my (huff and sigh) life"

Then my mind strolled in the eternally dodgy direction of siblings and parents.

Parents, I thought to myself, would bring to the accident scene a whole set of potential problems. The first one being that my Dad, when arriving at the scene by car, would most likely cause several more accidents as he tried to park. This could be fortunate in one way, as the emergency services would already be there, but distinctly undesirable.

The second and biggest problem would be my Sri Lankan mother. Were I the age of Dinidu or one of you youngsters things would be okay, but I'm not. I dread the thought of the firemen going home in the evening and telling their families about the forty three year old bloke who'd fallen off his drum stool and almost broken a stick and the overly fussy and protective Lankan mother who turned up and tried to take charge.

Academic Bro was very carefully considered then rejected, mostly because of his geography, ironic as geography is his subject, but I mean the fact that he's usually not around. Music Biz bro was considered and rejected too.

So it was down to friends. My first thought was bandmembers. They got turned down. They're a good bunch and reliable but I had to think realistically. The fact is that they'd only be concerned if something happened to me on a gig day, maybe a band practice day. On top of that their major concern would be to ensure I was fit enough to play, perhaps to teach someone else the set if not. Frankly we don't gig enough for me to think that my life would be in safe hands with these fellows.

My mind meandered casually over to the area of the Sri Lankan blogosphere, the Lankanosphere as I've heard it called. Of course my first thought was David Blacker. He'd be a good next of kin I reckon. He's good in a fight, he likes cars and he can write about things afterwards too.

Then I thought of Cerno, another near perfect choice. He's innovative and imaginative and he can do things with Google Earth that makes James Bond look on with admiration and awe. He had to go on the shortlist. And most lists with Sri Lankans are short lists.

Java Jones sprung to mind also. A fellow who I feel I could rely on, who would always help a friend. Receiving the kiss of life from him has potential dangers though. Getting knocked over by that bus, receiving the kiss of life from Java and then waking up totally stoned has attractions, I'm just not sure on it.

Pradeep Jeganathan was considered and rejected quicker than you can say "fry the prawns for a minute or two with chilli powder, balsamic vinegar and vanilla custard." If I wanted someone to cook my body beautifully then take even better pictures of it, then publish an academic paper on the matter, he'd be in my top five choices. But I don't. These academic food loving photographing and blogging chaps are all the same you know.

Of course the reality is that the distance between London and Lanka makes all in Sri Lanka impractical. So I thought about DD of ViceunVersa. He lives in this neck of the woods and he'd understand the requirements. The kiss of life would be unpleasant, both for him and for me. That, in itself is probably enough to reject him. Women all over the world dream of receiving the kiss of life from DD, just not this one man. But it seems that he's, in the blogging way at least, has ceased to exist.

So vut to do?

Any takers?

One Country, A Million Perspectives

The Lankanosphere's awash with posts on the end of the conflict, hardly surprising and totally justified. We've all said our bit and many continue to say theirs.

One thing's struck me in the recent days. It's the simple truth we're all looking at the same facts. VIC's opinion may be different to mine, which may be different to DD's. VIC might read one newspaper and watch one, or several, TV stations, they'll no doubt be different to my choices and mine will be different to DD's.

Between all of us bloggers we've got more opinions than Dinidu's got dioptres. And I've come to realise that none of us are wrong yet none of us are right. They're just views really aren't they, whether we choose to portray them in Sittingnut's style or David Blacker's they're just views, just perspectives, just words and arguments.

I almost made an attempt to write a poem, but I don't understand poetry. So I wrote some lines about my recent thoughts. Here they are:

One man's happiness is another man's sadness
One man's statistic is another man's loved one
One man's goodness is another man's badness
One man's hero is another man's villain
One man's death is another man's celebration
One man's Peacenik Pussy is another man's moderate

One man's moderate is another man's optimist
One man's optimist is another man's pessimist
One man's joy is another's fear
One man's realist is another's cynic
One man's home is another man's newspaper article
One man's newspaper article is another man's fish and chip paper.
One man's dusk is another man's dawn.

That's it, there's no neat, tidy and rhyming ending. That's because it's not a poem. Just thoughts.

So many of us see the same things and draw different conclusions, but maybe, hopefully and desperately we can all see true peace.

Lately In The Lankanosphere

Things have been busy, different, interesting, good, bad and downright ugly. Now that, as a film title, would have been a mouthful wouldn't it?

A friend asked me for some advice about something this week and one of the things I suggested was the use of mindmaps to help her. Now I can't explain mindmaps because I'm no good at that sort of thing, but I can tell you that the mindmap for this "lately" post is a complex and messy looking one that resembles a dismantled black string hopper, with some lumpy bits. If I ever have to make a choice in my life between mindmaps and string hoppers, as many chaps have to, it would be a tough one indeed.

This means that you might get a nice and meaty and interesting post with lots of good things about the Lankanosphere or you may receive a pile of disorganised words, with random links here there and everywhere and no real cohesion, structure or point. I think we both know that it's going to be more of the latter, not latte, that's coffee. But, either way it'll be a long one, so you may well be better off doing some work and reading this later.

The current situation in Lanka permeates into the Lankanosphere like sothi on that very same string hopper and that's about the only level of agreement anyone will get from all of us blogging types. It's natural that the Sri Lankan blogosphere reflects what's going on in Sri Lanka and it's therefore natural that the atmosphere is different to normal, whatever normal may be.

Indyana asked in this recent post why there are hardly any blogs being updated these days and I think, if she's talking about the Sri Lankan blogosphere, that it's simply because of what's happening in the Country, the fact is that it makes everything else pale into insignificance, and quite rightly too.

The bloggers writing about politics, war, peace and conflict are presenting a plethora of opinions and views. I think it's better if I don't tell you my judgement but just pass on the links and information on some that have caught my eye.

There's David Blacker with this rather splendid article he originally wrote for the Times of India. It's a response to the famous, or infamous, article written by Arundhati Roy that has attracted much comment and criticism by so many.

DD wrote this piece that revealed a side to him and his views many of us haven't seen before. It's thought provoking and one of the comments left there said something like:

"Why don't you go and help the IDPs instead of eating/drinking/shopping (delete as appropriate)?"

I've seen this kind of thinking a lot lately and I've pondered on it too. It seems to me that many are saying that it's far more important to give help and aid to the IDPs today and tomorrow than it is for people to plan and think about what's actually going to happen next week or next year.

My take on it is that balance is needed, that we must do both.

And talking of people helping today Indi has been involved with ACT Lanka in getting supplies and aid up to the Vanni. You can read about it here and here you can read about ACT Lanka, donate and learn more here. Please check it out.

On the far less serious side of things there's a bit of a party going on at a mystery address soon. It sounds like it will be fun and I'm looking forward to it, particularly that game Dinidu was talking about with the blindfold and the cucumber.

We have some music things to report too.

Cynical Sach and T have both put up posts showing the new video from Thriloka. I've heard so many great things about Thriloka, in particular about their young drummer, but have never been in Sri Lanka to witness one of their gigs. This video left me seriously impressed with the drummer, he grooves and plays with a feel that would be the envy of many. In comparison to this guy I'm such a bad drummer that I wouldn't even be allowed to envy him.

If that doesn't float your boat check out the Lily Allen video in Sach's post. There's something so quirky about it and it's one of those videos that makes the song so much better than it actually is.

Then, while we're on the subject of drummers, there's the new drummer in town. He's called Heshan and he's mad about music. I'll be reading him regularly, but I'm not sure this drum related blogging thing will catch on.

Talking of Sachs, which I was before, the almost Japanese one wrote a nice post here, on hypocrisy. He asks us what makes a hypocrite, a question that probably has no definitive answer but an infinite number of answers. He can also spell hypocrisy correctly, which gets my admiration as it's one of those words I always stumble over.

The Whackster's out and about and asking about blogstitution. He asks if we're all just prostitutes for attention, the only problem with his question is the extra T he put in the word "prostitute". I think we're all partly motivated by recognition, but how far up recognition is in each of our individual list of motivators is variable.

Cerno continues with his T100SLSLBP, but things are slowing down. You can keep it going by nominating posts and writing posts, if you can read and write of course.

The Right Honourable C also tells us that he's given up Linux and his fuel account at Shell. It's a strange lapse in concentration from him. I don't think anyone really cares about Linux as Charlie Brown isn't popular these days and we certainly don't care where he buys his fuel from.

On the positive side he did announce the good news that Unbound Urchin, that young guy who made such an impression in the Lankanosphere and then vanished quicker than you can say "can say" is back with more blogging. It seems that the chap has moved to London and I for one hope he'll continue to write on his blog.

Also, after the understandable turmoil it looks as though Jade has decided to return to the Lankanosphere, something that almost everyone will be pleased about. We like her, even though she sees ghosts and likes Travis. I see ghosts too. Only the other morning I saw one in my toilet. When I went to wipe there was no trace of it whatsoever. These things fascinate me you know.

What else?

Electra's back with some posts, this one I found particularly mindgrabbing.

The Gypsy wrote another of her poetry that isn't poetry type posts. Just read it.

I'll tell you a little secret about Gyppo if you promise not to tell anyone. She writes every single one of her posts in exactly two minutes and fourteen seconds. No more and no less. That gives you an idea of how clever she is. She told me this, so it must be true.

And I think I'll wrap up there.

Oh, I nearly forgot. Those blind chaps have got some new pictures up from India and the Maldives. They're good, in fact they're better than that, in a "I think I really should give up photography when people can be that good at it" sort of way.

Have a very nice weekend all.

RD

Me, Indi, VIC And Sri Lanka

This post was originally entitled "The Futility Of A Sri Lankan Blog" and was intended as a diatribe about the way I feel about writing on my blog these days. But fuck it I thought, and whacked up a title that reeks of blogstitution.

The funny thing is that I'd written much of this post a few days ago. Then, I saw VIC's comment on his post here and it made this one more topical than I had already thought it was. Some may think that I've written this as a reaction to VIC's comment, that's not the case, you will I'm sure feel free to make your own mind up on that one. However I'm going to add more to it since reading VIC's comment.

It's a half draft and half new post.

I'm not a political animal, as you're likely to be aware. Like most of us I'm interested and passionate about Sri Lanka, I think it's the one thing that binds the Lankanosphere.

However I don't really have strong political views. I'm not a supporter of any side, my colours aren't pinned to any mast, unless supporting peace is a side and it doesn't seem to be.

Any attempts I've made in the past to write about the Lankan conflict have been met with the same level of interest and discussion as if Pradeep Jeganathan had suddenly written a post about his favourite type of poo, well probably far less when I really think about it. And I'm okay with this, there are people whose opinions I and many others respect when it comes to Sri Lankan politics. I'm not one of them.

If you want to know about poo, kettles, drums and other bits and pieces I'd like to put myself forward as a candidate.

This is what's bugging me these days.

With everything that's happening in Lanka in the very recent past and the very seemingly climaxing present writing a blog post about shit, literally and judgementally, just seems so, err crap. Yet I've never blogged about political stuff, for the reasons I mention earlier.

VIC says

" RD is a victim of this syndrome. He lives miles away from the real situation of Sri Lanka (Both physically and mentally; most mentally), and he sees Sri Lanka solely from Indi's and few other "pet bloggers'"eyes. "

and, in all honesty I think he's incredibly accurate in one way but has totally missed the point in another.

Yes VIC, I do live miles away from Sri Lanka, but physically, not mentally. My mindset, unlike my accent, is quite Sri Lankan. It's quite insulting when you say that I see Sri Lanka solely from Indi's and a few other pet blogs. I read about Sri Lanka from all perspectives, I travel there regularly and I listen to all views. Please believe me VIC when I tell you that I have friends and family, Sri Lankans who take every position you can imagine.

I would include Indi as a friend, that doesn't mean that I agree with everything he says. It does mean I respect him. Dinidu and Sanjana are people I would call friends, it doesn't mean I agree with them, to me it does mean that I respect their opinions and may use them to form my own.

You add

"RD doesn't care of any of these things, cuz he lives a comfortable life out there in London. That's why it is difficult for him to understand our emotional reactions towards cowards like Dinidu and Sanjana. RD will never understand this!"

Well right again, I do live a comfortable life in London. I'm pleased about that and, as we Brits say, I'm sorry but I won't apologise for it. And yet again you're right when you say that it's difficult for me to understand your emotional reactions. I don't, but I've never claimed that I understood them, that's why I asked you in my original post.

Wrong again too VIC. I do care. I don't feel a massive need to prove it to you, that's all, but again I ask you to believe me on that one. I don't think that I can have the level of knowledge, the intuition and mindset that people like yourself, or Indi, Dinidu or Sanjana, who all live in Sri Lanka can have, but I do think I can hold an opinion too.

As an aside I don't think Dinidu and Sanjana are cowards, I think it takes guts, particularly in Sri Lanka in this day and age, to speak out the way they do. That's my opinion, it's your right to disagree.

An interesting thing about identity, my feelings on it at least, which I credit my brother for, is that I believe it's personal, that one man's way of judging someone's identity isn't necessarily the same as another's. So VIC, when you say

"because he is not a true Sri Lankan though he claims to be a one."

it actually only makes me shrug my shoulders and smile. The fact that you don't think I'm a true Lankan is fine with me. I accept that, by your standards, I'm not. However, when you talk about my limited scope of thinking and my failure to move out of the frame I'm trapped in I genuinely wonder what frame you're referring to and on what you base that statement. I could well be wrong here, I certainly don't read my blog, but I can't recall saying things that have indicated a particular point of view on the Lankan situation, largely because I don't have a view.

Also I know that, were I to suddenly write a post about the conflict, whether it was pro LTTE, pro GoSL or pro any other view, I feel quite confident that I'd be faced with a wall of comments telling me that my opinion is crap and wrong because I'm not Sri Lankan and don't live there.

As for my limited scope of thinking, well I think, when I tell you that I have a tested IQ of 64, that I won first prize in the Petersham Flower Show (under 10, crafts section) for my balsa wood model of a ship in 1976, possibly 77, and that I understand the meaning of that thing called sarcasm, then my credentials are pretty clear.

There you have it VIC.

Respect is a big thing for me. I listen to people I respect, which doesn't mean that I agree with them, more that I treat their opinions with respect.

Right now I feel that I'm caught in a trap.

Not blogging about the bigger issues, when I'm aware that my blog is a bit of a part of the Lankanosphere, seems wrong, as if I'm being disrespectful to the things that are going on.

Blogging about the war/conflict would be just as bad. I don't claim to be as knowledgable as one of you guys and wouldn't want to insult you in that way.

As we say here in England:

"Vut too doo?"

Blogstitution - The Meaning Of

Well, I thought it was my word but a quick google search proved otherwise. Such is life.

However, for the benefit of those who are in doubt, here is my definition of the word that I'm rather fond of. I'm more fond of String Hoppers than blogstitution but less fond of Wattalapam, that should give you an idea of my positioning:

Blogstitution - To use "cheap" tactics in order to gain readership and/or hits for a blog. The tactics can range from talking about sex or sexually related subjects to trying to antagonise well known and popular bloggers in order to stir up a storm. I suppose, as a chap does suppose, blogstitution is using negative means to garner popularity. And, as an aside, I'm not sure what the word "garner" really means, so apologies if I've used it inappropriately. I'm hardly an authority on words and definitions anyway.

That clears that one up I think.

Be sure to check LLD tomorrow where I'll reveal some juicy insider gossip about Dinidu, Gyppo and TMS.

Dinidu - Where Are You?

Mr De Alwis. Your blog's playing up and doing strange things.

Where are you?

Is everything alright?

We're all a bit worried.

To Nibras Bawa, VIC And Sittingnut

This is a kind of open letter, one that hopefully will ask you guys a question that's somewhere in my mind and not yet fully formed. As I write this post I'm very optimistic that the aforementioned question will form some time before the end. Otherwise, things could get pointless.

I'm no kid, though I have a couple of my own. I consider myself a fairly mature and experienced business person and, in my more lucid moments, a pretty rounded individual, though lots of sit ups should help with this. I'm telling you this in an attempt to establish my credibility, for my question might appear as naive to many. Incidentally "naive" is a word I always have a problem spelling first time around, do any of you guys struggle with it? (that's not the main question by the way)

As most people who read this will know, all three of you have blogs.

Mr Bawa, you appear to be the newest entry into the Sri Lankan blogosphere, or the Lankanosphere as one of my heroes has called it. I find your blog captivating, interesting and annoying, all in extremes. It seems that you are successful in your chosen field with some strong opinions and it's fair to say that much of your blog centres around the Lankan advertising industry and its close relatives.

Mr In Colombo, you are known to most in the Lankanosphere. When you write a post we read. I usually disagree with you, but I respect your passion. Many people also agree with your opinions, that of course is their right. As far as I can make out your very popular blog has been in existence since May 2006, which surprised me as I thought it was older than that. I also hope that one day you'll allow me to call you "Voice" as I know your friends are allowed to do.

Mr Nut. What can I say about you that people haven't already thought to themselves? From what I can make out your blog began in August 2005 with this fledgling post. That means you're the longest established blogger out of my three chosen people. Like VIC you don't need much of an introduction to the people who may be reading this.

Now I sincerely hope that you interpret my question in the spirit in which it's intended, one of genuine interest in something that I honestly don't understand. It's this:

Why do all three of you choose to try to present your points, arguments and views in such confrontational and insulting demeanours?

Seriously, it puzzles and bothers me and I'll try to explain why this is so by telling you a bit about my mentality.

I believe that there is little more effective than constructive and positive dialogue. And this is by no means a post in which I advocate peace talks as a current way of solving the situation in Sri Lanka. I'm merely talking about blogging and life in general here.

I respect the way people like Indi and Dinidu articulate their views, though I don't always agree with them as well. They present their points in what seems to me to be a thought out approach, weighing up pros and cons and talking intelligently. Apart from the rare deviations in which a "fuck off" or similar might have appeared they come across as level headed guys.

You three, VIC, Nibras Bawa and Sittingnut have clearly made some kind of decision that the way forward for you is to slag off the people who don't share your opinion. You name call, you insult and you make a habit of hitting below what most people would define as the belt, even on a sarong where it can float a bit. Again, I'd like to emphasise that I mean this as accurate commentary, not some sort of attack on any of you. Once I filter out what I see as the wholly unnecessary padding you often make good points.

Surely it would be better to make those points without all the shouting and name calling, so others would view you with more credibility?

For example you Mr Bawa have made what many seem to think are some insightful and constructive comments on the Sri Lankan ad industry, yet you've managed to do it under a cloud of homophobic and insulting writing. Why did you choose this approach? Perhaps you took a calculated decision that some sort of sensationalism would get peoples' attention quickly. Maybe I'm missing the point here.

VIC, in one of your posts you talk about Dinidu like this:

"Do you hear the “tone” of a sucking LTTE ass licker who is fed by all the rich NGO’s headquartered in Colombo? A tone of a real traitor, who’s enjoying a tiniest of a victory to the tigers?"

Why? I don't get it, just because you have different views?

Sittingnut, you write things like this

"by peaceniks i mean people who think peace is worth any cost (even cost of human rights, justice, democracy, and freedom ). that is people like paikiasothy saravanamuttu, jehan perera, jayadeva uyangoda, sunila abeysekera, sunanda deshapriya, nimalka fernando, rohan edirisinha, jeevan thiagarajaha, and their ilk (and their underlings like sanjana hattotuwa). and their fellow travelers in the sl blogosphere like hypocrite indi.ca/padashow.wordpress (son and tool of a corrupt political appointee) and his cronies."

And I really fail to see what you think you'll gain from that kind of delivery. If it's because you want to appeal to some people then surely you'll only succeed in appealing to the people who already share your opinions anyhow?

There it is, my question.

Why have you adopted these approaches?

I don't know if any of you will read this but I'd really love to hear your answers, though I may be wise to wear body armour!

If anyone else can help me with this please feel free too.

Good weekend in the hot, hot heat of Colombo all. I'd much rather be complaining about the heat than the cold!

Lately In The Sri Lankan Blogosphere.....

The regulars have been quiet and the quiet ones have become regular.

Plenty of juicy posts, delightful nuggets of prose and paragraphs of love have been spurting our way in recent days. There's also been the usual batch of mediocrity, name calling and "ooh look how clever I am because I can insult you" type of stuff going around. Here, my blogospheric friends, are the ones that have caught my eye.

I'll leave it to you to decide which category to place them in, you're more than capable of that by now. Just be careful, this kind of power can be dangerous in the wrong hands. Remember Dinidu's religion posts?

The first blog I must, must, must mention is the Gypsy Girl's one. We know not who she is but she's given us a big clue by dropping the bombshell that she was in Hamlet at Elsie's Bar. It matters little though. She may be a thespian but I'm an open minded sort of fellow and what people choose to do behind closed doors is their business. As long as she continues to create posts like this one the rest of us will continue to hang on her every word. In fact I liked it so much I nominated it for Cerno's T100SLBPBP.

In an unusual situation I've reached a crisis of segue possibilities. My mindmap for this post shows clearly that I have the option of moving seamlessly into a bit about Cerno but also the bit about all the actors in that play and their posts.

I've decided to go with Cerno, for he is the master.

T100SLBPBP continues to move forwards though it's fair to say that interest looks to have tailed off slightly. Maybe that's because we all feel we've done as much trawling through the Sri Lankan blogs as we can stand, but Cerno's responded by introducing the concept of the best political post you have read into the melting pot. It's a great idea, the Sri Lankan blogosphere, which I think I'll start to call the Lankanosphere, is in itself a melting pot of a huge assortment of political posts, for all the obvious reasons.

I run the risk of death by metaphor and simile here but I'm going to dive in anyway and say that it's not just a huge melting pot of political posts but it's also one that's positively boiling over. Can a melting pot boil over? Probably if it contains some kind of unusual element, I'll ask K, she'll know.

Yes, going back I'm pleased with that "Lankanosphere" moniker. I might copyright it and make millions from other peoples' use of it in the future.

Over in the Divine world of the Lady there are qualifications, pats on the back, changes and surprises. The change refers to the icon, which has now become a sparkly and rather gleaming fresh looking young thing, just like Lady D herself! She has also passed her CIM exams. Passing her CIM does sound a bit like a painful medical procedure but I'm told by intelligent people that it's nothing of the sort and is all good.

It sounds all good for the good Lady D, yet she says she's missing something. I send my positive thoughts.

Oooohhh, the new stuff that has grabbed me goes a bit like this.

This guy, Nibras Bawa, who I think is fairly well known, has created ad industry shaped waves with some of his diatribes. His blog has the longest "introduction to myself" bit I've ever read and, though he may be very successful at what he does, he also appears to be his own biggest fan.

In a nice short period of time he's slagged off his own staff and his own industry. His coup de grace is this entirely homophobic post. Some of the points he makes may have some relevance, but, when they're made in a fog of homophobia and personal insults, it just makes him out to be a blinkered and prejudiced twat.

The thing about Mr Bawa, and I publish his name only because he does so himself freely, is that he writes well and loves his mum. To use the old cliche I would respectfully suggest that he considers more carefully who he shits on on the way up, he may need them on the way down. I sincerely hope that the guy is as good as he thinks he is.

Interesting blog though, check it out. After you do I also suggest you take a peek at what's going on in the world of ViceUnVersa. This post is a sparkling and heartfelt reply to someone who has laid into the Lankan ad industry and well worth a glance. There was also one of DD's crytic serial posts going on, all about red dots. I was totally lost until I saw the last post in the series, now I'm only half lost, or half full, depending on how you see the glass, you know, that one that could hold twice as much.

The luvvies are out in force like a pack of strange animals that have been released into the wild and are struggling with things.

After the success of Hamlet at Elsie's Bar they've bonded and are now missing each other. If you've ever been in a band or done anything that involves close and intense teamwork you'll understand. TMS' post here, giving her thoughts about everyone is touching and heartwarming, as is the Gypsy's one here. But they miss the point.

We, the readers want dirt. We want to read the blog post about the one member of the cast that everyone hated, the one who would have been bullied at school. We want to hear how he smelled a but funny and how he was a total tosspot. Oh yes, that's what we want.

And on the Darkside of things our Gehan has punched out a nice post about blogging relationships and how many members of the Lankanosphere know each other. I've met many of them, have made some good friends and find it a stimulating and fascinating experience. I'm continually puzzled by people who want to keep themsleves hidden, though I understand why people want to remain anonymous.

Well, if you've read this far you'll be pleased to know there are only a few more blogs to mention.

I don't know exactly why but I feel a slightly fatherly, or perhaps POUly need to give this new blogger a helping hand. She seems desperate to build up a readership and keen to move her blog onwards and upwards. There's a mix of interesting posts and slight blogstitution going on, and that's another new word I've come up with, how cool am I?

Blogstitution - When someone blogs about sex to get readership.

I like this little drawing thing and I read the post about doodling and the psychologist with interest. But, the "Do you masturbate?" post was a bit too contrived, even though I felt a need to throw my hand in.

I'll leave you with two pieces of brilliance. Dinidu has put out this poem, that he's going to read at tonight's open night thing. It's passionate, hard hitting and it's got rhyming lines. That's a poem I can understand. Over in the Big Apple T has written one of her beauties that speaks for itself.

Those are the just some of the things in the Lankanosphere that have captured my attention lately.

As usual there are a lot more good things that can be found on Kottu, but you knew that already, didn't you?

Behind The Scenes At London, Lanka and drums.

I was looking through the inner workings of London, Lanka and drums a minute ago and felt a but surprised to see that I've got sixty one draft posts lurking there in differing states of undress.

There are a few completed ones that I've not yet published, either because they've not reached the depths required for publication or because they were about something that happened at the time and the urgency's gone.

Most of them are ones I've started and never finished. I do this quite often when I'm hit by a bit of inspiration from somewhere. Someone might say a passing phrase or I might see something that grabs me and I'll quickly write the title with a line or two to remind me to come back to it at a later time. Sometimes I look back at these titles and wonder what on Earth that one was supposed to be about.

I must admit the one entitled "Review Of The First Colombo Grand Prix" has definitely got potential. I started to write it after watching the Singapore GP last year and, just like the Colombo GP, came to a standstill. The first couple of paragraphs have actually cracked me up as I read them, even if I say it myself.

So far it features Mervyn Silva, Lewis Hamilton and a thinly veiled reference to that time Dinidu forgot his ID, left it in his mother's car or something. I also remember that the race was going to feature a photographer driving an orange Land Rover, though any similarity to any person in real life would have been entirely intentional.

"How To Make A Sri Lankan" has got me perplexed. It starts with some commentary about me, a trend in many of my posts, sitting at the dinner table with my parents. It continues with my narrative about the conversation and about an attack, one that I didn't see coming. Clearly not only did I fail to see it coming but I also failed to remember it going, as I have no recollection of the events I was going to attempt to amuse with.

"The Pros And Cons Of Fruit" will probably get deleted very soon. In fact, by the time you read this it may have been consigned to the virtual bin. It's crap and should never see the light of day.

"That's Enough" is one I started only a few weeks ago but I'm sure will never get out as it's factually rubbish now. You see I started it because I had noticed that I'd got to a nice round figure of one hundred friends on Facebook. My idea was to write a quirky post comparing Facebook and the concept of Facebook friendship with real life and real life friendship.

I'm not one of these people in real life who has friends in every corner. I'm that other group, the type who has just a handful of friends whom I consider to be very close to. I've also got lots of "virtual" friends, people whom I haven't actually met fact to face yet I would consider as genuine friends. The whole issuse of what a real friend is was going to be explored in the post.

The opener is based on the idea of "cutting off" my FB friends at one hundred, something one would never even think of in real life. The idea was abandoned as, just as I started the post, I got two friendship requests on FB, both which couldn't be refused and I'm now on one hundred and two, which doesn't have the same ring to it as the good old century.

"DD Said That Money DOES Buy Happiness" is one that I started that after being inspired by a comment DD left on TMS' blog, in which he said exactly that. I was going to present my opposing view; that money doesn't buy happiness, but it can help to buy things that can help to make us happy. There, I've more or less said it now anyhow, that's another I can delete.

Fear not dear reader, I shan't bore you with a run down of each of the sixty one drafts, it was just to give you a picture of how things operate here. Well, also because I was a bit stunned at the figure too.

Now I'm thinking about what to do with these fledglings. Perhaps I could take some of the promising ones and sell them for charity. Maybe there'll be young beginner bloggers who'd pay good money for them, then could change some names and key points and chuck them up on their blog as their own.

Perhaps I could swap some of my drafts with some of yours. Then you might suddenly notice DD chucking up a post that was incredibly witty on the same day that I publish one that's incredibly, erm, advertising.

Or I could sell them as rare unpublished RD posts, to raise money for me good causes. People might display them on their living room walls in years to come, in the same way some coves own rare unpublished works by authors and artists.

Then, this sounds morbid, but I assure you it's nothing more than a fleeting thought, if I was to die what would happen to them? Would they languish in cyberspace for eternity. Would someone eventually find my blog and guess my passwords and take them, to do whatever they want with them?

I tell you. It's thought provoking this blogging business, it really is.

I Admire The Little Fucker

Who?

Dinidu.

For posts like this.

Why?

Because if I owned a country I'd want people with his conviction and courage to help, guide and advise me.

Just a thought.

Out

The 2008 Blogging Awards - Best Written Blog

The frenetic frenzy of fabulous err, Sri Lankan blogging awards continues like one of Murali's finest, gathering pace and swerving all over the show with the only certainty being the fact that it will probably all end in tears. Maybe.

This morning we have the award for the best written blog, an award for which there are candidates galore. The Sri Lankan blogosphere is blessed with fellows and girls who write for a living who, as if they don't do enough of it in their day job, then go out and write their blog in their free time. Fucking weirdos if you ask me, but fucking weirdos who never fail to write interesting, poignant and poetic words and posts.

Would I want one of these creative types to write the copy for an advert for my Company? Hell no, but do I read their blogs and wish I had their gift for the written whatsername? Absofuckinglutely. Last year's winner was Java for his magical place and wonderful ruminations, but as he's already been a guest judge once we've got a newish one along, Mr Viceunversa himself.

I suppose there are some who'll think it's unfair that this award is based on the English language. Yes, it is unfair but I'll give you my two very good reasons. The first one is that I don't speak or read Sinhala or Tamil so the beauty of the written word in either of those languages would be lost on me.

The second is that, on both my computers, Sinhala and Tamil appear as little itsy bitsy noughts and crosses boards. This is a bummer, unless there's a Sinhala or Tamil blogger out there who is writing specifically about noughts and crosses, in which case I think the blog is fantastic and deserves an award anyway. Perhaps some kind of board game would be nice.

Let's get this show on the road and present the nominations:

1. Drama Queen / The Madcatwoman for Hissyfits. Ok. I'll tell you now that she's not going to win this or she'll get all big headed and boastful and I'll be accused of having favourites, even though she is one of my favourites. From now on I think she should be referred to as the award winning DQ. You know her and where to find her by now.

2. Sach for The Cynical One. She's a real journalist and writes real things, articles and the like. She talks us through her life, her adventures with a boyfriend and his weiner and her numerous piercings. There are serious bits in there too. When she's old and famous I'll stroll around saying things like "I knew her when she was young and famous."

3. Indi for Indi.ca. I have a lot of admiration for Mr Ca. He's developed a way of writing, on his blog at least, that is identifiably his way. Mistakes, he's made a few... It's a kind of outpouring of his mind onto the keyboard. If I did the same thing you'd just see a stream of swear words and nudey pictures but Indi does it in a way that makes the reader feel as if they've casually strolled into the inner workings of his brain and are looking at how his ideas and thoughts develop, rather than listening to the end result.

4. Brandon Ingram for the Black Lullaby. Brandon would be the runaway winner for the dodgiest hairstyle in the blogosphere if there was such an award but it's his blog that gets the attention today. I'm running out of metaphors, similes and superlatives, particularly ironic as this is the best written blog award, but this blog is another that takes us through the writer's trials, tribulations and journeys. You get the feeling that he's telling us everything, every detail of his life. He puts it across in poignant and poetic language and hardly ever uses really big words. He even uses Italian words, ones that aren't pasta dishes, every now and again.

5. David Blacker for the Blacklight Arrow. Not only has the man got more tattoos than Edinburgh, not only can he kill a herd of Elephants with one glance from a different continent, not only can he build an AK 47 from bits of coconut husk and a ball of string but he can also write a bit. Check out this post for an example of his ability, the writing ability not the gun making one. He lives with his parents too. I like that in a man.

So there we have the nominees.

I am pleased to announce that this year's best written blog award goes to.....


David Blacker for the Blacklight Arrow. With no time wasting I'll pass things over to DD for his words of nicety.

"The best written blog – the Blacklight Arrow – David Blackers Blog. He says "It's a blog. Stuff I wanna say. That's about it." Knowing this Blacker bloke well and loving him like one of my own I am surprised to see the rapid disappearance of his divine intentions of being gods gift to womankind. Through his writing, he displays rare compassion seen in a human, a passion for life, and most of all he's humble in the knowledge he writes well. A distinction rarely seen in Sri Lanka – Humbleness I mean.

I am also happy to add that I am proud of David's achievement. Among his many good characteristics, he is one man among very few to have in one's corner. A truly loyal friend who can rumble as well as anyone in the WWE, and shoot a Heckler Koch machine gun equally well or better than most blokes in MI6. Well-done Davy."

There's nothing much I can add, except to say that the speech is a little bit girly.

Many congratulations Mr Blacker.

RD

Long Live The Maharajah!

Like everyone in the Sri Lankan blogosphere I am aware of and have been reading the latest trolling type blog that appears before our eyes as the Maharajah of Bad.

Now, calling Mr Maharajah a troll is something I do with a large dose of hesitation. Why? Well because to me a troll is someone who goes around slagging people off, generally causing trouble and angering innocent folks while doing little else. It's as obvious as a baggage porter at BIA that the Maharajah has caused some trouble and pissed off a few bloggers, but I think there's much more to the fellow than just that.

I'm a bit Oscar Wilde in this too. While I'm of course deeply insulted by the Maharajah's frankly vitriolic and downright evil analysis of my sense of humour I'm secretly chuffed that I'm one of his lucky victims. Not so secretly now but you get my drift here.

The thing about Mr M, if he/she is indeed a Mr, is that it's someone with a genuine sense of humour, a real talent for writing and a large dose of incisive wit. On one hand it's pretty easy to pick on a few bloggers and criticise them negatively, take the piss out of my sense of humour or whoever's liking for cheap porno mags. But, on the other hand Mr M does it with a bit of panache and style.

I chuckle to myself each time I read his profile and get to the bit about buses having six wheels and this line brought a genuine laugh out aloud moment to my office, the one with only me in it:

"Back in the days of the kingdom, when our elephants were still alive, taming them and going to war and crushing innocent people and other creatures like women and alcoholics under the terrible weight of the elephant foot was one of our favorite pastimes"

The only other times I laugh out aloud are usually at one of my own jokes. Mr M really does write some funny stuff and, even though you may well think I'm mocking him here but I assure you I'm not, I would love to have the ability to come up with lines like that.

My admiration grows when I look at the readership stats on Kottu too. His blog is so bad that it's at the top of everything, only really competing with the blogging giants that are Indi, Dinidu and a post by Jade in which she writes about Mr M himself.

Hands up if one of the things that drives you in your blogging, perhaps just a bit, is readership figures. They certainly drive me, not entirely but they do matter, and it's taken me almost three years to write, post and build up a semblance of a readership, then Mr M turns up and shoots straight to the top of the charts. I take my hat off to the fellow on this.

And he manages to strike a chord with all of us doesn't he? Okay I don't know about you but in my case he did. I mean that thing about naming me the Grinch who stole humour did actually affect me a bit. In total I've probably spent about ten minutes of my life thinking about it, that's quite something.

The blog is a different approach to the Sri Lankan blogosphere. We had the Pada show, we had Soixante Neuf, rather someone else did and she told us about it in every detail possible, then Kalusudda came up with his great way of writing and now we have Mr Bad.

I welcome him.

RD has spoken. That was a bit too predictable wasn't it?

Dinidu's Post - The Truth

Mr de Alwis kindly wrote a little post in which he talked about a friend of his on Facebook, how that friend had been hit with a load of conditions by his daughter which would apply in order to necessitate friendship, or Facebook friendship at least.

Well those of you who are FB friends of me may know this already, but indeed I am that friend. The child concerned is K, which probably won't surprise you. The full letter to me went like this:

Dad, You Poo Poo.

Did You Have A Nice Christmas In Singaporian Land ?

Now Let's Cut To The Point...

I Made A New Bebo Because My Other One Was Boring And Had Fam Fam On It

And Then It Accidentally Got Deleted.

Therefore It Appeared We Were Not Friends.

But I Have A Few Conditions About Facebook:

1. You Cannot Add Any Of My Friends (Except For Family).

2. You Cannot Comment Me Anywhere But My Wall.

3. You Do NOT Tell Me What I Can And Can't Do On Facebook.

4. You Shall Call Me By 'K... Or Miss K' (You Seem To Enjoy That Nick Name) But Nothing Else Like 'Darling, Honey, Sweetheart Etc.' (Not That You Do Already?!), Oh And Kashunia Is An Acception.

If You Fail To Obey Those Rules I Will Delete You As A Friend.

END OV.

Bye Daddy, xox


I'm still wondering about the best way to respond to this. As a means of buying time and to establish some sort of opener I've told her that I'm not prepared to accept her conditions and haven't responded to her request for more information. And then I got stumped.

What do you think?

Sri Lankan Kissing With A Hint Of Brit

As I lie in the London bed unable to sleep I think on things, mostly stupid ones. It's interesting when the mind takes those ponderings and turns them into dreams isn't it? Those light dreams that happen very quickly.

One of those things was about kissing, it didn't turn into a dream you'll be pleased to know. I though how amusing it is that my kissing, the greeting an aunt or a friend type of kissing, not the snogging variety, is a mixture of the Sri Lankan and British cultures.

You see, on greeting someone, when kissing is the required form of greeting, I always go in for a two cheeked approached. The recipient's right cheek first then a quick shift onto the left one. That's where the Sri Lankan approach comes in. Here people usually do a one cheeked version and express surprise when they realise I'm about to go in for the other cheek too. It can lead to some mildly embarrassing situation but, at that point, I usually crack a joke about "us foreigners" or "subcontinentals" and we all chuckle and get on with it.

The British side of me insists on going in for a proper kiss though. I purse my lips, the lips make contact with the other person's skin and I make that kissing noise, the one that sounds like a kiss. After many years of uncertainty and doubt I've decided that I just don't do the Sri Lankan sniffing kiss, the one where you brush cheeks and sniff, with no lip to skin contact whatsoever.

The only exceptions I make to this are when I'm greeting one of my more pious Muslim Aunts. Then I may be spotted doing a bit of a Sri Lankan sniff kiss, for fear of upsetting the Aunt involved in the equation at the time. I think it's a suitable compromise.

There are some people who might get a kiss on the lips, one who might get a snog. When I finally get to meet Dinidu I'll probably give him a snog too, in a manly way.

Oh God, I hope that doesn't turn into a dream!

Tell me though. How do you kiss?

Bastards!

Looking around at the Kottu blogs this morning and I discover that Mr De Alwis is the latest person to delete his blog.

First it was Soixante Neuf and now Dinidu.

It's not on. I don't mind it when people decide they want to stop blogging, that's their right and I'm sure they all have their reasons. But this annoying thing about deleting all the previous posts is just that; annoying. Yes, yes I know there are ways and means of reading the old stuff, through Google Dreamcatcher or whatever, but that's not the same.

It shouldn't be allowed.

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