Blokes I'd Like To Beat Up

You know me, I'm not a violent type. If I was, then my lack of technique would deem me to be an unsuccessful one. But now and again I come across a chap, or some fellows, who bring out David Blacker type feelings in me. By that I mean I just want to beat them up, not other things along sexual themes, before you wisecrack. And I don't mean I'd like to beat David Blacker up either. If I even dreamt of beating him up I'd have to apologise when I woke up.

There I was the other week at a meeting. It was one of those quite boring yet quite interesting industry meetings; the sort in which the content can be fascinating but the delivery and the people who do the delivery can induce sleep in the most insomniacal of people. It's a meeting that I go to about once a quarter and, as a result, I've got to know the other people there quite well.

There's one bloke in particular who makes me have violent thoughts. Every little thing about him, from the way he walks to the way he talks to the way he forks, they all get on my nerves.(I couldn't think of any other word to rhyme there, sorry about that) He's the human equivalent of fingernails down a blackboard; intelligent and bright yet annoying like a fuckpig.And of course, as is the case with these annoying types, he loves the sound of his own voice. Give him the slightest chance to talk and he'll take it and run miles carrying it in his arms before anyone else has the slightest chance to catch up.

We came to one point on the agenda, as yes, it's one of those meetings that even has an agenda, and he began to pontificate. Then, he started to talk and I'll quote him word for word:

"Blah, blah blah murmur, murmur, blah blah, blah, hissy fit, blah reciprocity"

"Eh" I thought to myself. For I've read it a few times, but as far as I could recall, I'd never actually heard the word "reciprocity" used in real life. I never even knew that the last two syllables in the word were pronounced like "city" instead of "kitty". But seriously these types who chuck in big flashy words when simple ones, albeit more of them, would do just as good a job, what are they like?

Then, not a few minutes later, though it was a few minutes later, he went off on another one, this time talking about something else, and topped the previous sentence. It went like this, verbatim:

"Blah, blah blah, murmur, murmur, blah blah, blah, hissy fit, blah symbiocity"

Seriously, I kid you not. Presumably just in case anyone hadn't fully grasped what a wanker he is from his use of "reciprocity" he wanted to make sure by using "symbiocity".

I'd like to beat him up. Simple really.