Thursday, July 15, 2010

Some Random Thoughts.

Ephemeral ruminations you might call them.

This week it's all a bit mad and then it goes a bit calm, in terms of evening engagements for the next couple of weeks until I hit the motherland avec le petite enfants.

On Friday night I have my second gig with Solskala. It's going to be top night, I feel it and sense it with every whatsername in my body. Testicles, that's it, like Paul the Octopus has.

The night before I'm going to be hitting the town with the man that is the legendary Aufidius and a friend of his. I like the Auf, if I had a son I'd like him to be a bit like the Auf, only with my looks of course.

I thought slightly sad thoughts the other day along the lines of the fact that this will quite likely be my last holiday with the girls, perhaps there's one more with K, but A, at sixteen, is probably going to start going off with her friends soon. I suppose there'll be a gap of about ten years and then we might reconvene.

It's a bit sad but also it's life no?

From the time they were born I desperately wanted them to experience Sri Lanka, to learn about the country and grow up with that passion for the motherland that so many of us feel. I felt, still do, that it was my responsibility to show them what I could, then they'd make their own choices as they got older.

Have they got the passion and the feelings?

I honestly don't know but time will tell. The seeds look to be there, it's now the time to wait and see. I feel that they know Lanka a damn sight better than I did at their age, which is a start.

And, on the random tangential line, here's a question for you:

Do you think all kids want to do better than their parents?

Do you think all parents want their kids to do better than they've done?

How do we judge what "better" is anyhow?

Okay I lied, that was three questions, but I'd genuinely be interested in your answers. It's a thought provoking discussion I've been having with C recently.


Sach said...

If you replace 'all' with 'most' in the first two Qs, then I belive answer is mostly a yes.

And the meaning of 'better', I think would be more along the lines of financial/career success more than how better you are as a person I guess. It's all about how far you want to climb up the corporate ladder. My first salary was higher than what my parents earned when they retired, but I'm sure my children, if they are to be successful, will earn much more than I probably ever will. Or at least they'd want to.

Anonymous said...

Well, personally I certainly want my kids to do better than I have. I assume better in that, they don't make the same mistakes we did, nor make any new ones, but then that's asking for too much,perhaps!So atleast get to a better state personally, financially,spiritually and make better choices and have greater opportunities and do well with them!


David Blacker said...

think you'll have to wait and see if your daughters decide to vist SL without you. That might be the proof of whether or not that connection has been established.

I think most parents hope their children will be better at the stuff we consider important than we ourselves were. I certainly am hoping that my son will be better at music than I am (and it's already clear he is), better at sports than I was, more successful at love, and so on.

aufidius said...

Thanks RD to say that is very kind and I am genuinely overwhelmed, I only hope I actually live up to deserve that sentiment.

Generally I am an ambitious person, sometimes a bit too much of a perfectionist that I miss opportunities because they aren’t perfect enough for me – a trait which is good from a quality control point of view but there are times when it has been detrimental. In spite of being ambitious, I have never been ambitious in the ‘ I should be better than my father’ way – this is a bit odd since he too is an Architect and I am aspiring to be one. But conversely, my parents have always emphasized that they want me to be better than them.. Understandable in a way since they provided for me a more sophisticated environment than that which I assume they grew up in, so given the investment they have made its only right that they expect a far greater return.

In ‘better’ I think parents don’t necessarily want anything qualitatively different – but they’d want to help their children get the opportunities they didn’t get and may want their children to not do the same mistakes they did when they were growing up.

I think ‘better’ is not a term to compare quality of the same entity in two different generations, I think it’s about doing something totally new or taking a further step within the paradigms of a shared ideal. Ideals can be different, but parents are fascinated by ‘progress’ and avoiding ‘trouble’ I guess.

I am sure my parents underwent some troubles and want me to avoid them, but weirdly those troubles are what made them what they are and I fear if I don’t face those ‘troubles’ I will be more fragile and less resilient than them and that can make my children lesser individuals than I am, thus possibly triggering a negative trend for futures generations of Auf’s.

This whole thing is a big paradox of repetitions, including the good,bad and the ugly.

Purely my opinion and I may have lost the plot by a huge margin.

Charlene said...

Since the whole this is subjective, there's no way all can be anything.

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

Sach + Charlene - Yes, I think my use of the word "all" should be replaced by " most". As a rule of course, I don't like to generalise!

F - I feel similar to you except the bit about mistakes. I don't want my kids to make terrible and costly mistakes but I think that generally mistakes are a good thing as they suggest a person is pushing boundaries.

DB - Yes, I hope and also have a feeling that they'll both retain and grow the connection.

The Auf - Thank you for the comment.

I think that it's the case that almost all parents, bar the type with an unhealthily scarce mentality, want their kids to have better opportunities than they did. But, whether the child wants to "better" his or her parents is perhaps a more variable matter.

Anonymous said...

'doing better' is definitely a subjective thing, to some it means having more wealth to others it is less materialistic.
I think society tends to judge us on the milestones we, house, car etc. Does this mean we are better or probably more importantly happier than someone else who doesn't have the same level of financial success ?
I am fortunate in my career to work very closely with people from all walks of life and while they have very different levels of wealth in many instances there is an inverse relationship with happiness. With ambition and wealth there is a danger that individiuals will always striving to achieve more...try to make money than their peers etc. Usually this leads to the more they earn the more they spend. Sometimes quality of life can suffer as a result, and the things which should really matter like holidays with your kids to the motherland get shelved because there is that 'big deal' on the table. Maybe I'll go after that is done... before you know it life has passed you by and although you may have achieved financial success you may regret all the things you missed out on along the way....
The most valuable asset we have is time...spend it wisely !
RD: Looking forward to seeing you in July @barefoot

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

Anon - Thank you kindly for the thought out comment. I too look forward to seeing you in Barefoot, if only I knew who you are!

You've prompted me to write a little postet some time about motivation and money and happiness etc