A Bit About Soixante Neuf

My new, my first and my only stalker, apart from Dinidu, goes by the name of Soixante Neuf. The more cosmopolitan among you will know that Soixante Neuf is German for a sausage and a furry cup or, as we say here in England, a 69. It's best not to say this in the local Chinese Restaurant unless you want the Chicken Chow Mein.

Soixante Neuf (whom I'll refer to as 6 from now on) has a blog. It's quite the novelty in the Sri Lankan blogosphere and each of the few posts has generated a lot of comments. Why? I hear you ask.

Because it's well written? Yes, it most definitely is. 6 has a way with words. Her tongue is most definitely her weapon. Each post is interesting and thought provoking and presented in a way that a master story teller like Chuck Norris would be proud of.

Because it's full of eye catching images? Yes again. The blog is decorated with pictures of beautiful and sexy people. Sensual black and white photographs of two women about to do some serious bean flicking, dimly lit almost abstract images of a neck about to be kissed at the same time as the custard truck is unloading at the other end of the motorway. They're all there.

But, the most fascinating thing, the thing that has caught all of our imaginations, is that each of 6's posts, of which there are confusingly 6 so far, talks about sex. 6's blog starts off with an introduction, as many things do. It would be so confusing if we started things off with saying goodbye then introduced ourselves just before walking out of the door. We'd spend the whole meeting not knowing who the other chap was for a start, or for an end.

I digress, 6's opening line, her entry into the blogosphere (as far as we know) is

"I have always been intensely curious about sex"

Bang! Now that's what I call an opening line. Guaranteed to get the attention of every red blooded male who reads the odd Sri Lankan blog. I can't be bothered to look it up but I suspect my opener on LLD was something like

"Hello, my name is Rhythmic and I play the drums and live in London."

If 6's opening line goes Bang! then mine goes pfffft, like a balloon deflating into a swamp.

Then 6 goes on to tell us, in language that is vivid and elegantly written, some of her thoughts on sex. She gets five comments, with David Blacker being straight in there with a warm hand upon her entrance.

Her second post succeeds in not failing to disappoint us. It's a delicate and sexy little number about 6 being kissed on the neck for the first time. With lines like

"And let me just say, quite appropriately: Fuck."

it continues to tantalise the male regulars on Kottu, as well as a few of the fairer sex too.

The foreplay is over by the time we get to post 3. The introductions are done, the gentle neck kissing is done and we move on to full scale hide the sausage in the bushes stuff. It's no holds barred as 6 tells us about adventures with her date

"I returned the favour and blew him till he came, crying out, in my mouth"

Again the language is poetic and precise, but surprisingly this time there are no comments. Maybe because none of the blokes were left waiting for more after this one, they all turned over and slept or something.

Post number 4 kicks off with the line

"Earlier this year, I slept with a woman for the first time."

Just when you thought she'd climaxed she goes a bit further, teasing us, her hot and sweaty male readers, about her first sexual encounter with another woman. You may have guessed that from my quote of her first line. It's well written in every possible way, even to the extent that she's got one of those little accents above the second e in clich­é. I wouldn't have the faintest idea how to do that, but clichés are about as rare as pink elephants in this blog. She tantalises us as she gives us the background on her experiences with female on female sex, finishing the post by promising more.

More is only ones of three things to come in the next post, Femme Fatale. This is the climax in which our sexy heroine describes her first experience of girl on girl action. The writing is as good, if not better, than her previous posts and predictably there's a bucket load of comments, all from admiring male readers. I would imagine half her readers are trying to figure out who she is and the other half are trying to figure out who her female lover is. At the same time the other half are trying to figure why they didn't try just that little bit harder at maths in school.

Miss Neuf's descriptive powers continue to delight us as she regales us with details and information that most blokes understand from watching porn films. Women probably wouldn't understand, unless they bat for the other team.

The final post (so far) walks and talks us through the act of 6 losing her virginity. It's as sexy, as vivid and as erotic as her loyal readership have come to expect.

And here we are. I'm a firm 6 fan. I think she writes rather brilliantly, so much that it almost doesn't matter to me if the stories she narrates are true. But, it does matter. I find myself wondering what's going on here. It's almost too good to be true. A twenty something girl who loves sex and feels that it's good and healthy. And she's got a brian too. If I was twenty ten years younger...well I'd still be way too old.

Could it be a journalist or writer trying out their skills on an unsuspecting public? Or is Miss Neuf really some bored 50 year old fat bloke sitting in an office somewhere and having a bit of a laugh at our expense?

Maybe it's one of "her" regular commenters in a different identity. Perhaps it's JP's alter ego, perhaps it's me, this post being an even deeper level of bluff in my evil game.

Perhaps it's all as it seems. In which case there's a queue of men who want to meet her. I'd like to take this opportunity to remind Miss Neuf that drummers can do different things with different parts of their body at the same time. No reason, just thought I'd say that.

Check out the blog though.

It's really rather sexy and it's really rather good.