Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Real Men Talk Crap

One of the things I've realised in recent years is that women being from Mars and men being from Venus and all that sort of thing is actually wrong. It's giving the impression that there are similarities between the sexes, when in actual fact, as we all know, there aren't.

And when I say "as we all know" I mean "we" as in we men. We're the smart one, the ones with the superior knowledge. For we are the ones who realise and acknowledge that we know absolutely nothing about the workings of the female mind. We don't pretend, we're honest and true to our species. Ask a man how a woman's mind works and he'll look at you with that quizzical expression, the one that suggests blankness and total lack of knowledge. That one we use a lot.

But, ask a woman about the workings of a man's mind, and she'll proceed to give you all sorts of lengthy explanations. Wrong ones.

Men are ignorant. Knowing that we're ignorant gives us a strange power. That kind of powerless one.

Which is where David Blacker comes in. I like him. Okay he dresses strangely, but apart from that he's alright. And we talk on Facebook chat quite often. Occasionally we chat about trivial stuff, like politics in either of our respective countries, or the lives of our kids. But, for the majority of the time we talk about really important issues.

Being men these really important issues are of course things like cars, the life Rod Stewart lives, subjects women just can't believe that we talk about. Here's yesterday morning's chat, some of it at least. It's prudent that I don't reveal how we got to the subject, but I ask you, the esteemed reader, to accept that we did and read from there on. The subject in question was planes and aircraft.

RD: I remember taking my kids into and SL cockpit when they were little.

I was far more interested and fascinated than they were!

DB: That must've been cool.

RD: keep this to yourself DB please but, when I was younger...

DB: about the cockpit?

RD: I used to be a..........

plane spotter.

DB: For a moment there I thought you were gonna say flight steward

RD: haha

DB: lol

RD: I'm not sure which is worse

DB: haha

Well I was quite into planes too, but military ones.

RD: Phew

DB: my first ever flight anywhere was in one.

RD: I used to go to LHR with my mate D and we'd get registrations and cross them out of our books.

DB: ah, proper plane spotting lol

RD: yup, fraid so

DB: where'd you get the books?

RD: well there used to be called Civil Aircraft Markings that came out each year.

DB: fuck

RD: with the registrations of all the civil planes in the world and all us plane spotters would cross them out as we saw them.

DB: there must be alot of you out there if they're printing books

RD: (Here I send him a link to Amazon's description of the current year's book. I looked for it, it's not that I had it handy or anything)

DB: lol, you seem up to date.

RD: fuck off
I just found it for you

DB: haha, looks like there's a military version too

RD: Yes I believe so, but much harder to spot I suppose. Unless you live near a military base or something

DB: and all that camouflage

RD: of course

DB: that is funny tho mate

RD: what?

DB: Luckily yo found drumming

RD: yup
now I live on the edge

DB: or you'd still be out there

RD: well. when it's safe

DB: reached a different plane?

RD: haha
I really shouldn't have told you

DB: lol

RD: My kids really take the piss out of me for it

DB: I can't believe you told them

RD: their mother did

DB: Oh ok, but I guess I'm a kinda gun geek

RD: I think being a gun geek might be slightly better for the rep

DB: I buy Janes Guns all the time

RD: You're so gay

DB: but people look at me strangely anyway when they see it on my bookshelf

and on we went to talk about trivia after that.

It's not easy being a man.


David Blacker said...

I think context is important, RD, and that you should have at least touched on the blowjobs in the cockpit.

Anonymous said...

Interesting observations but I think all humans not just men or women or even kids, they all have their own topics and interests based on their background and it is sometimes difficult to communicate with those with a different outlook, no matter the sex, age or race.

Anonymous said...

f a s c i n a t i n g. zzz

At least women talk about how good or bad some guy was in bed. Exactly what problems she is having with her hoo hoo, and the real size of his penis.. and whether she wishes she was a lesbian. Not me mind you. Just women.

David Blacker said...

Why "at least"?