Sri Lankanisms - No 2 in an occasional series

Machang

A fucking great masterpiece of a word!

The closest comparison in English I can think of is "mate" but that doesn't really do justice to the beauty and all roundness of today's gem.

Of course the literal translation is "brother in law" but frankly bollocks to that, it is far more attractive than to be used only in the presence of a brother in law, particularly my one. I googled it recently and found out that there is a place in Malaysia, a place in China, a type of wood and and Yahoo group all called Machang. So, if you had a brother in law who owned a wood shop in a certain part of Malaysia, things could get awkward.

It can be chucked in as a substitute for "mate" but it has more friendly connotations; a customer would never be referred to as "machang" in Sri Lanka but many an idiot shop worker here in England will happily call a customer "mate". This is one of my pet hates and, as Prime Minister, my first major task would be to start a TV channel that showed nothing but re runs of The Persuaders, with Tony Curtis and Roger Moore as the multi millionaire playboys with wicked cars. Then I would pass a law to stop shop assistants and the like calling customers "mate". Then I'd go home and watch The Persuaders. I suppose that would be a decent second day at work by most people's standards. I say second day because I'd probably spend the first day tidying my desk and figuring out where to put all my drum stuff in 10 Downing St. There's probably a back room somewhere I could use but I hope the neighbours wouldn't have a problem with the noise. Our next door neighbour now is a nice deaf 80 something year old chap and, for a drummer, neighbours don't get much better.

Let's move back to the word of the day.

In Sri Lankan English it is a true term of endearment. I have been quite chuffed to have been called Machang on occasion but I've never mastered the art of using it on other people myself. It's one of those words that has to be said with a good Sri Lankan accent, something I don't possess. I don't possess a fish tank either but it hasn't affected my life too negatively. I guess it would if I wanted to keep fish. The mess would be dreadful as they slid over the floor until they died so I'd probably end up getting a tank. Or a pond. But I've already got one of them.

There are several conversations with various people during which I have chucked in a "machang", rather nonchalantly and the recipient hasn't baulked or stared at me with wide open eyes and a dropped jaw as I feel they should have. But it's a word that just doesn't come easy to my dreary South London voice. I can write it with the best of them but using it in anger makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe that's because it really is a term of affection and is rarely used in anger.

I have been racking my brain trying to figure who, in England, I would call "machang" if they knew what it meant. That's a tough one and I can come up with about 2 or 3 people who aren't actually my brother in law. I might try and invent an English word that can be used in the same context. My first rule would be that it can't be used by the working classes on customers to claim familiarity.

Incidentally I just looked it up in the dictionary and it's not listed, there's a surprise! What is listed is the word "machan" which means

"(in India) a raised platform used in Tiger hunting"

Bet you didn't know that.

I must go now, I've got to invent a word.