Java's Got A Frog Fetish

There I was one night last week, chilling with Java and Ceenimod. The conversation was mixed, colourful and interesting, like Java's choice of clothes for the evening. It turned to holidays, at which point Ceenimod opened his holiday photo album. Java and I winced, we knew that Ceenimod fancies himself as a bit of a photographer but he's hardly a Sebastian Posingis or a Dominic Sansoni. I know this as the two fellows are sitting next to and opposite me as I write this.

We sat through the slide show. It was good but Ceenimod needs to work on his use of colour and light. Java was particularly interested in a picture of some cheese, he said it reminded him of a former lover.

The conversation turned to music, Elton John was discussed and we failed to reach agreement. I am a proud founding member of the "I hate Elton with a vengeance" club and that is something that never goes down well in Sri Lanka, where his poncey melodies are much loved. I have spent far too much time reflecting on exactly who buys Elton's records, I know no one in the UK who confesses to liking his stuff, not even old people or girls. I pondered on how he sells so much stuff, then I realised that it's illegal in Sri Lanka to be over 30 years old and not to like that kind of music.

As the evening drew to a close Ceenimod remarked on the sound of a particularly loud frog somewhere in the vicinity. Nature is all well and good but not when it disturbs one's peace and tranquility like this. The noise was louder than Java's shirt and more annoying than a little brother when he puts on that mocking tone that all little brothers possess. We sat there though, a little bit drunk and full of the joys of life and a balmy Sri Lankan night. Then Java hit us with the revelation, the statement that shattered my image of Java as the hard living, music loving slightly mad but hugely interesting person that I had thought he is.

"You know, I've built up quite a collection of these frogs now" said Mr Jones.

"You what?" said Ceenimod.

"Frogs. I've built up a large collection of them"

"Aah, you mean you keep real ones do you?" replied Ceenimod.

"No, no, but I've got a big assortment of models of frogs from all parts of the world"

I felt as if Keith Richards had just told me that he likes knitting or Mahinda had suddenly decided to act in the best interests of Sri Lanka, ridiculous but vaguely possible things.

"I started to collect them a few years ago and now, everytime I go away I try to buy one or two. It's amazing, I've got Japanese ones, frogs from Wales and all parts of the world. Every country makes them and they're all different and quite fascinating."

Ceenimod wasn't impressed and I shared his feelings on the subject. Models of frogs are what old people collect, to display in the back garden along with the gnomes. But not Java Jones, that bastion of dangerous living, the guy that has influenced everyone from Jimi Hendrix to Pete Doherty.

We continued our evening in contemplative silence while waiting for our cabs. Ceenimod was undoubtedly thinking of his holiday pictures and whether the photographic lessons with Dominic Sansoni and Sebastian Posingis would help him in any way, Java must have been dreaming of frogs (models, not real ones) and I thought of drummers and blondes, not necessarily in that order, but probably.

I told Java that I'd have to do a post about this, it's my duty to let people know of his unusual fetish.

So I have.