Friday, December 18, 2009

Rhythmic Diaspora (C) - DO NOT TOUCH

The first line, the name on the address label says the above, without the "DO NOT TOUCH" bit. "DO NOT TOUCH" is the phrase in my head, most definitely in capital letters too.

The address label sits, stuck happily to a box about fourteen inches away from me on my desk. How do I know it's about fourteen inches I can hear you almost screaming in a mad frenzy. I know it because I have just measured it with a tape measure. Accuracy means everything in these parts.

The box is an one and it contains my Christmas present from C. I know this because she told me that she was going to get it delivered to my office. It was my smart idea to put her name in brackets on the delivery address label so that I would see it and realise that it was not for me.

"Just get it delivered to my work", "just put your name in brackets", "no, of course I won't open it, don't be silly", "I'll be so busy that I won't be tempted" were all the things I said to her.

Now, as I write this post, the little box is staring at me, daring me to do the only decent thing. Boxes are made to be opened aren't they? C would never know if I deftly opened it, examined the contents, then resealed it and proclaimed innocence and surprise on Christmas day.

I keep glancing to my right and it's there. If there was a huge big red button with "Do not press this button" written on it I'd have to press it eventually. It's not a question of whether I open it or not, more an issue of whether I can last long enough.

I've already interrogated the outside of the box at some length and extracted no information. If I were a machine, one who understood barcodes, I'd be pretty clued up. I'm no machine though, just a mere mortal. Well, I say mere, but I guess I'm blessed with good looks, intelligence and humour, but I don't like to brag.

The box is teasing me and sneering at me. It knows it's got the upper hand, that it's going to win the battle, that my willpower is about as strong and committed as HI!! Magazine's political column. But it also knows that I'm going to waver, I'll hover on the brink of doing the wrong thing and I'll eventually make the right decision.

What will it be though?


Anonymous said...

"I'm blessed with good looks, intelligence and humour, but I don't like to brag"

My goodness aren't you modest!

I think you might open and reseal it...and if you do, I just hope she finds out...would serve you right!


Black Rose said...

Decisions decisions :)

Sach said...

Hahaha these things happen, don't they? The right thing, of course, would be to find a way of finding what's inside without opening it, and then proclaiming innocence and surprise on the 25th. Maybe you should take it to the airport and run through that scanner - I assume that C would not have sent you ammos or anything.

Btw, this reminds me of a constant problem I face too. My better half is in the other half of the world, and it's always a challenge for me to send her surprise birthday present. Last year, it arrived at her place FIVE days earlier and the surprise present turned out to be not so surprising. Then this year, I decided to be clever and sent it to her roommate, so that she will keep it with her till the the birthday. Alas, the best laid plans get thwarted sometiems, and this year the box arrived at her place exactly at a time when her roommate was out! So much for surprises.

Rikaz said...

Add a photo of the box and we'll tell you what it is. I am quite good at this guessing thing.


ViceUnVersa said...

RD methinks or me is crediting you for far more insight than you deserve, Mate you and I both know that opening that box guarantees you a miserable xmas morning

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

F - well, you know me, I like to hide my light under a bushel!

Black Rose - Who say it's easy being a man?

Sach - I am very familiar with the tribulations of a long distance relationship too. My sympathies are with you!

Rikaz - Somehow I'll probably reject your idea, keep them coming though!

DD - You're so right. GM2U

dramaqueen said...

Touch. By all means, TOUCH. What if you die before Christmas day? Freakish accidents are always possible. You'll pass away never knowing what is in tht box, and then your ghost will hover around with unfinished business. You'll be a nuisance to everyone.

Really, this is all for the greater good. Be a man. Open it.

Rikaz said...

Easy way out. If its Amazon, then the box will have a Barcode sticker pasted on it. Copy the barcode numbers (usually 16 digits i think) on Amazon search keys, and there you have the answers with price C paid for RD's doorstep.

But to be fair by C, you should wait. !


Rhythmic Diaspora said...

DQ - your arguments are valid though somehow I don't think C will agree with you.

Rikaz - You, frankly, are evil!

Anonymous said...

so tell us what happened will you?

Serendib_Isle said...

Sheesh, how did I miss all this drama? Oh wait a second, I was travelling! At least I read this before the follow-up... ;)