I just don't get it

These are only a small selection of the things I just fail to understand:

Mercedes cars

I don't doubt their quality, I don't doubt their fine German engineering, I don't doubt their prestige. I just can't get my head around them.
I am a car person. I'm not one of these blokes who thinks of a car as a means of transport. Oh no, a car is an experience, a hobby and can stir my emotions. I can talk about the merits of the BMW 5 series compared to the S Type with the best of them. But Mercs don't even enter the conversation for me. They're all the same, different size boxes, just different model numbers, none of which anyone knows about anyway. Except motoring journalists.

Coldplay

They wrote some good songs.
Then they wrote some more. The same, but with slightly different words.
Then they put them on an album. Every single person in the world bought 5 copies of the album.
Then they repeated the whole process a few more times.

What happened to happy songs with happy chords and funky grooves? Ah yes, the Red Hot Chili Peppers have written all of them.

People who complain about Ikea

Ikea sells wood, glass, plastic, screws, glue, instructions and meatballs.

If you buy all this you have to first figure out a way to carry about 900kg from a very high shelf in the store to your car. This distance is exactly 37 yards longer than the London marathon. Or the New York marathon.

You then have to squeeze the stuff, which takes up more space than Argentina, into the boot of your car. Here it may help to fold the seats down.

You take it home, spend about 3 weeks trying to put it all together, go back to the shop to get the bits that were missing and finally it is done.

It is very cheap and looks good in a Bjorn Borg's place in the country sort of way. There is even a strange perverted type of satisfaction in knowing that you weren't beaten by the Johnny Swede. They build their shops out of town, they employ less staff, they keep their overhead down and they sell cheap. That's what they do.

If you want fully assembled furniture delivered into your house with no hassle, great customer service and steak, then go to Harrods. It will cost you more but you'll get nice vegetables rather than that cranberry sauce thing they do at Ikea.