Thursday, May 25, 2006

I just don't get it

These are only a small selection of the things I just fail to understand:

Mercedes cars

I don't doubt their quality, I don't doubt their fine German engineering, I don't doubt their prestige. I just can't get my head around them.
I am a car person. I'm not one of these blokes who thinks of a car as a means of transport. Oh no, a car is an experience, a hobby and can stir my emotions. I can talk about the merits of the BMW 5 series compared to the S Type with the best of them. But Mercs don't even enter the conversation for me. They're all the same, different size boxes, just different model numbers, none of which anyone knows about anyway. Except motoring journalists.

Coldplay

They wrote some good songs.
Then they wrote some more. The same, but with slightly different words.
Then they put them on an album. Every single person in the world bought 5 copies of the album.
Then they repeated the whole process a few more times.

What happened to happy songs with happy chords and funky grooves? Ah yes, the Red Hot Chili Peppers have written all of them.

People who complain about Ikea

Ikea sells wood, glass, plastic, screws, glue, instructions and meatballs.

If you buy all this you have to first figure out a way to carry about 900kg from a very high shelf in the store to your car. This distance is exactly 37 yards longer than the London marathon. Or the New York marathon.

You then have to squeeze the stuff, which takes up more space than Argentina, into the boot of your car. Here it may help to fold the seats down.

You take it home, spend about 3 weeks trying to put it all together, go back to the shop to get the bits that were missing and finally it is done.

It is very cheap and looks good in a Bjorn Borg's place in the country sort of way. There is even a strange perverted type of satisfaction in knowing that you weren't beaten by the Johnny Swede. They build their shops out of town, they employ less staff, they keep their overhead down and they sell cheap. That's what they do.

If you want fully assembled furniture delivered into your house with no hassle, great customer service and steak, then go to Harrods. It will cost you more but you'll get nice vegetables rather than that cranberry sauce thing they do at Ikea.

10 comments:

Asvajit said...

Dont know much about ikea or mercs but your spot on about coldplay...good to see not everyone is unaware of their epic mediocrity...

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

Thanks for agreeing!
There is a new band getting big here called Orson, I think they are from the US. They seem to write great sounding happy songs. I'd much rather listen to stuff like that than the "slash your wrists" stuff that most people seem to like.

Asvajit said...

Yeah...I know what you mean,
Orson are okay i guess...kinda tame though.
listen to Primus...

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

Primus don't do it for me. I like Wynona and the more commercial stuff and their drummer, Tim Alexander, is one of my heroes, but the music is a bit too extreme for my liking. The new Pearl Jam album is becoming a new fave for me, it took a few listens but I can't stop listening to it now.

childof25 said...

I have to say I love some of the Mercs, the SLR, CLS and the CLK! Beamers just don't do it for me, well apart from the M3 and the M6, which causes me to salivate! I've been hearing a lot about the Pearl Jam album, must pick it up soon...

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

The M3 - yes, the M6 - great car but there's many others that I would buy first for the same money (911 etc), but the M5 is right at the top of my wishlist.

savi3 said...

i'd rather get an Audi :)

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

S3 - I used to have an A4 and I still look back on it with affection, but I think the bigger BMWs are much better than the bigger Audis

savi3 said...

the Audi TT is rather nice.. a lot better looking than those BMW 2 seaters.. Z3 or Z4 whatever they r called are just hideous !!

the new Audi SUV looks rather special too. Audi over BMW for me thanks very much :)

Anonymous said...

Look guys just cut out the euphomisms an just compare your dick sizes "I think the bigger BMWs are much better than the bigger Audis" blah blah blah. I rest my case.