Got no style? - The Fashion Police are gonna get you.

I have always been fascinated by those people that have no sense of style, not the ones who have got bad taste but the ones that just have no taste at all. Henceforth I shall elaborate.

I've got a old good friend who tends to wear dark, usually black clothes. He wears lots of silver jewellery and has beards, and things like that. A kind of gothic look would be the best way to describe him. I remember a period when he wore some vaguely colourful stuff, but he was quite loved up then, and women can have strange effects on even the strongest of men. Some men start to visit florists and some even spend less time on their hobbies. I have heard stories, although I cannot vouch for their accuracy, of drummers spending less time with their band.

Well this fellow began to wear vaguely colourful clothes. I am talking of colourful clothes by his standards, not by the standards that you and I have. When I would have been out in the street in a nice yellow stripe or a subtle yet bright blue, he was out there in a shade of grey most would consider wearing for the funeral of someone they loved dearly.

Needless to say the relationship soured and he went back to the really dark look sooner than you could say "Bauhaus".

Despite my lack of appreciation of his chosen look I can see that there is some kind of sense of style going on with him. It is not a style that I would choose, either for me or anyone else on this planet, but it is still a style, one which incredibly, he takes considerable time over.

Then I can think of another friend (also a musician) who just has mad style. He wears clothes that look unbelievably bad. There is no other way to describe him, or them. He is like an eccentric Professor, just without the intelligence. But his look is a chosen one too. A jumper with large embroidered wolves on it is one of his favourites as are red jeans.

I do have a sneaky bit of admiration for these types. They spend time and money (not a lot) on their appearance and they make an attempt to look good. They might even think they succeed in looking good and, whilst their style is not mine, I can respect their taste. However, if you ever see me in the street wearing clothes like that please take me to the nearest hospital as I will be in need of urgent treatment.

The type of person I can't figure out is those that just have no sense of style at all. Lately I've been wondering what goes on in their head. Are they so intelligent that they are too busy occupying their minds with serious things and can't be bothered with their appearance?

No way. Intelligent people with style do exist, mostly in France, but some are found elsewhere. Look at Ross in Friends as an example. A Professor of Dinosaurs who has a sense of style, albeit that preppy American look.

I am ashamed to admit that I do have some friends with no sense of style. This saddens me. I have always thought of myself as a tolerant person, one who looks beneath the surface and judges the other chap on personality, rather than shallow stuff. But, when I see someone wearing a dinner suit with flip flops or a short bloke in a double breasted suit, well, what can I say? Even I have my limits and friendships can only go so far.

They don't actually think about whether they look good, just wearing anything that comes to hand. They live in houses without mirrors and possibly no lights and spend all their money on books and computer things. Clothes are just something to keep them warm or to stop them getting sunburnt, because they all go bright pink when exposed to the smallest bit of sun. I reckon they even choose clothing because it is comfortable. Yes, I kid you not, unbelievable as it seems, it is true. There is no hope for these types.

I asked my best friend about this. He is a fairly style conscious chap and a bit of a ladies' man so I was interested in his take on it. He reckons these "styleless" people probably shop out of catalogues and just choose things that are practical. He's probably right but I think there must be some kind of genetic defect as well. There must be someone lurking in their past who can be blamed for this total absence of style.

How can you persuade a fellow to change his tastes if he cannot taste? At least the people with bad style can possibly change as they learn that they look stupid. I know it's unlikely but it can happen. This has led me to wonder whether the styleless ones actually have some kind of style but they figure so lowly on the scale that their score is virtually zero.

So, if we imagine a style scale of 0 - 10. I would place Jennifer Aniston as a 10 on the female side. I guess, in terms of sense of style alone, men such as Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp and Elvis might be up there in the 9 or 10s. I would put Axl Rose in at a 4, because he makes an effort but looks like a twat. I'd have my gothic friend in at about a 2. He makes less effort and looks worse.

Then, the total styleless ones I guess I'd have to put at a 0.0001 or something of that ilk.

I don't know who I'd award a zero to though.

Any thoughts?

Either way the Fashion Police should be out there pounding the street and hauling them in. I might just write to Tony Blair about this. At least it would get John Prescott out of the public eye.