Monday, January 21, 2008

Do Ugly People Have Sex Too?

There I was, sitting on the bus observing life as it came at me from every angle. Yoofs listening to their iPods, Mothers with kids and bags, bags with kids and Mothers.

They got on the bus just past Teddingon Lock and came upstairs to sit about four rows away from me; the ugliest couple in the world, of that there was no doubt. The similes and metaphors all popped into my head in sporadic bursts, like the Sri Lankan army firing into the sky that time when the LTTE flew down to Colombo. My similes were a lot funnier though, and they hit things too.

Oh yes, it wasn't just one pig ugly person, it was a brace of them, looking like someone had put a fire on their face out with a shovel, like a bulldog chewing a wasp and like they'd fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. In fact they looked like they had fallen out of the ugly tree together, not just hitting every branch on the way down but also rebounding off each other a few times.

I'm sure they're lovely people, that they're the life and soul of every dinner party they go to and they're highly in demand on the after dinner speech circuit, but I was transfixed by their looks, or lack thereof. And I started to wonder and ponder about sex and ugly people, not in a pervy way, more in a "my God do they do it?" kind of way. I thought of Jennifer Aniston, as I so often do in times of need. I know that, unless she has a strange fetish for Sri Lankan blogging drummers, then the chances of her finding me attractive are pretty damn remote, even more remote than the chances of the two of us meeting.

So I figured that even a very ugly person would find a sex symbol like our Jen pretty attractive. And it follows that a very ugly person, even though they are low down on the attractiveness scale, would also recognise an ugly person of the opposite sex.

Then what happens? What goes on in their minds? Do they decide to "settle" for a fellow ugly or do they keep looking and trying in the hope of finding a highly attractive person who's going to go for someone less aesthetically pleasing than they could get?

And when a couple is made up of two of these uglies do they secretly look at each other and think that they could both do a bit better on the looks side? Or perhaps the total package is what matters, all that stuff about women going for men who make them laugh and who stimulate their mind is all well and good. But I reckon every woman really wants a chap who can make them laugh, who can stimulate their mind as well as look like Brad Pitt, preferably hung like a horse too.

The more I think on it the more flummoxed and discombobulated I become. What exactly goes on in the head of one of these people? I'd really like to think that they spend much of their time gawping at each other's beauty and sexiness, but I'm not so sure.

If they do then good luck to them.

But the bus uglies got off in the town centre and strolled off hand in hand, looking for all the world like they had the most beautiful partner they'd ever set eyes upon.

Maybe they did.

11 comments:

Damith-TS said...

More importantly is it physically possible for two really fat ppl to get it on ? Like say two wrestlers. Just wondering out loud..

Darwin said...

It's a fairly known fact that alcohol helps fugly people get laid.

N said...

You know it just struck me....I actually know which house Jennifer Anniston has in Malibu...you want me to go pop a note in her mailbox or something?:D

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

Yes please N, perhaps with my email address and a picture of a random good looking bloke.

PBG said...

Well, let me be the hopeless romantic (?) that I am and comment on this post.

How important is beauty for a relationship? Granted, sometimes it starts with a second glance (or a second drool in some cases), but then isn't it the person under that skin that you fall in love with? Does is matter if they are fat, bald, has elephant-ears, or butt-ugly?

I think you pretty much hit the spot when you said they might have had the best looking partners in the world, cos from their point of view, both of them did.

Bella Donna said...

Great women beauties very often end up with men-trolls, for example, see Sophie Loren, Raquel Welch, Julia Roberts, Beth O., and Christie Brinkley.
These women are so beautiful that they don't have to prove their appeal and go with deeper (more lasting) beauty in their mates. But I tell you, I wouldn't be able to look past the looks of a dog like Stern...

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't go anywhere near Jennifer Aniston and I wouldn't say myself that I'm attractive. She's a Plain Jane with great hair and zero class or personality.

Julia Roberts has a mouth like a vacuum -

I think there are tons of things more important than looks anyway - like talent, intelligence, the way people carry themselves, charm, confidence etc - these all make people appear more attractive - look at Tom Cruise - Nicole Kidman was besotted by him - yet she's miles out of his league - but he's incredibly athletic in a superman kind of way and has tremendous presence - hence makes him appear more attractive than he really.

Anonymous said...

No, ugly people don't have sex. I haven't had sex since 1997. In all honesty, it is unlikely that I will ever have sex again with another human being in my lifetime. (shrugs shoulders) Some folks get laid. The ugly ones don't. It's just life.

Anonymous said...

should you consider suicide knowing that you are the ultimate unresireable,7 times in 51 years is a statement of being a complete failure as a man,would rather die now than grow old alone.im not ugly..something much worse...a nice guy!my inability to be an abusive asshole has ruined any chances with woman for life!they love their bad boys,and by the way many of them are butt ugly!

FutureTaoiseach said...

It depends on whether you are attracted to men or women. If you are attracted to woman and are ugly, a few of you will get attractive partners. If you are a gay man (like me) or straight female that is ugly then you have to go without unless you pay for it or settle for another ugly person. I don't blame the people who reject me because nature made them do it. It does destroy my faith in religion though because I feel hard done by by God.

Anonymous said...

you people ought to be locked into portable toilets and set on fire. Grow up.