Thursday, July 9, 2009

Things Women Don't Know

There I stood, peeing into the urinal, doing what we men so often do. I was trying my best to use the intense force of my jet to get the detergent cubes to disappear through the grating thing, the metal guard bit. Any man reading this will know exactly what I mean.

Those cubes, they shrink and eventually get down to a size that forces every man in the world to attempt to pee them through the aperture. The feeling of satisfaction when we actually do this is immense, a bit like winning your fifteenth grand slam title or a Grand Prix.

And, as I did this, or failed to, I realised that most women just don't know about this sort of thing. Unless the woman is a toilet cleaner or has an incredibly weird hobby.

Such a simple act, an easy pleasure and no woman will ever get to attempt it. Even if there are females out there who are aware of the existence of these toilet cubes, they'll never be able to use their pee as a slightly disgusting light saber, the way we can.

They'll never know the joy that we used to have when we tried to pee up to the huge record height on the wall in front of the urinals at school. There was always a myth that some bloke, usually a heroic type who left the school a few years before, had managed to pee up to "that mark up there".

There are many things that the fairer sex will never know and never understand; how it feels to get kicked in the balls, the relaxed joy of parallel parking with ease, getting all the credit for standing in front of a barbecue and turning some meat occasionally while drinking beer and chatting to people.

Every single man can feel the pain involved in getting a football or a kick to the bollocks, it's part of our upbringing, yet women just don't have a clue on this one. As I mention it I bet that you, if you possess balls of your own, can feel that tingly and winded pain in the pit of your stomach, but women just screw up their face and think that we're laying it on.

Then they complain about periods, childbirth and the like!

So what else is there that women, or men, just don't know? Comments on a comment please.


Anonymous said...

Well, you'll never know what a mammo feels like!


Sachintha said...

Now they know it.

Cricket Tragic said...

Ah, I remember the days in school when we had English Literature class just before interval..the woman was so evil that she wouldn't let anyone go to the bathroom during her class. The pee used to get pent up during her class and as I rush to the bathroom and pee after her class, the great feeling of relief that goes through your body...worth the pain of keeping it pent up for that 45 minutes!


Anonymous said...

Why are women called the fairer sex?

Resident Princess said...

Speaking as one of the fairer sex, there are some of us who parallel park with ease and join the boys in front of the BBQ to turn meat and sip a beer and I wouldn't call myself a tomboy.

Gypsy said...

Untrue. My mother parallel parks better than any man I know and with the least fuss.

She also does a fabulous barbecue AND gets all the credit.

I love my mum :)

As for the kick in the balls, you can keep that one, we don't mind.


Ps- I'm still mad at you. Pfft.

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

Anon - You mean one of those huge big prehistoric elephant things that are now extinct?

Sach - As much as we describe it they'll never really know it.

Anon - Because we let them

Resident P - Yes, there are some. As a rule I don't like to generalise

G12 - I'm more mad at you. Pah.

Anonymous said...

Oh man this brings back memories.. the fond ones.. even though they contain painful imagery of being balled.. a fun activity carried where two boys would attempt to lift an unassuming third boy with their hands thru his legs.

So do women compare their sizes too? like we do at the urinals? You know the sneak glance at ur neighbour to see wht he's packing.

Anonymous said...

Oh you DO know what I mean don't you!But you got me there! :)


Sam said...

Draw a bicycle by not looking at one. That is something women don’t know how to do.

Makuluwo said...

Hahaha!! Hilarious! :P

Dee said...

i guess we're missing out. yes, i'm being sacastic.