Absofuckinglutely!

Swearing isn't good is it?

Oh yes it is, when used in the right context and with the right people it can be a wonderful way to add some emotion or depth into a sentence or phrase. I think I probably swear too much in conversation. I throw in a "fuck" or "fucking" a bit too often for comfort, even my own. I'm okay chatting to a vicar though or a Sri Lankan Aunt, it's not that I swear as though I know no better and need to be kept away from posh people or something.

And since I've started blogging my use of swear words in conversation has reduced too, a natural result of my mind's continual search for new words as I scribble posts. I write, think about nouns, adjectives and those other word types; prochems or something, and I try to think of which ones to use instead of a swear word. Sometimes it's really fucking hard, I tell you.

Occasionally the insertion of a little touch of profanity is justified and essential. A bit like watching Kill Bill or just about any other Tarantino film. The violence, though graphic and strong, is always a big and vital part of the film, it's never gratuitous or unnecessary. Let's face it, we expect Uma Thurman to call someone a "cocksucking bitch" but Harry Potter would get a month of detentions at Hogwarts if he uttered similar things, no matter what evil he was facing at the time.

The other day I was reminded of a word that is quite probably my favourite one of the moment. It rings in my head, I use it when I can and it has a hint of dichotomy about itself. It's that beauty above, and below now;

"Absofuckinglutely".

As Stevie Wonder would say, though he probably won't be reading this post, isn't she lovely.

I like the pure sound of it, the way the vowels and consonants blend feels like a little drum groove to me. I like the way, as you say it in your head, that the emphasis falls automatically on the "fuck" and all the other syllables are that bit flatter. It's as if you're listening to a radio and the volume's suddenly turned up just for that one syllable.

The bit I like most is its extremeness, or perhaps that should be extremity. If something is absolute then it's an extreme in its own right. Absolute zero is the lowest temperature possible, absolute black is total lack of light and a Sri Lankan mother who's absolutely livid is the most dangerous thing in all existence.

Absofuckinglutely adds a little bit of sugar and spice, of drama and tension to an already strong word. The addition of the f word in the middle of it is like telling Peter Sellers as Clousseau to ham up the French accent a bit, to make it a bit more French sounding, perhaps a little bit funnier. I suppose if we used the English language correctly there'd be little need for the word, as using "absolutely" on its own would suffice.

Complaining about its use is about as effective as moaning about those people who talk about "giving 110%", which is possible in many ways, particularly if you're talking about money or something, but absofuckinglutely impossible in terms of giving effort. Who cares though?

As far as I'm concerned a swear word or two is a little bundle of joy if it's used in the right context and with the right degree of sparsity. And of course, there's nothing sexier than a slightly posh woman chucking in an unexpected "fuck" at the appropriate time.

I think I'm going to give my award for word of the month to the aforementioned combination of vowels and consonants. I won't type it again for fear of overuse, but you know what it is.

Now go out there on the streets and use it as much as possible.

But sparsely.