Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Tiny Ickle Willies

Yes really. It's not a euphemism, nor is it a witty post about two friends I've got called William who are both well below average height. This really is a post about short penises. What exactly is the plural of penis anyhow? Maybe it's penii. Soixante Neuf, where are you? You'll know.

I was told a story about a friend of a friend of a friend who got into, ahem, a bed with an, ahem, man to find that said man had a, well you know, a two to three inch willy, when he was in a state of you know, arousal. Or, to put it a bit more bluntly for the less subtle readers; the bloke had a two to three inch cock when it was hard.

Said woman found it an awkward situation, one that she didn't know how to address. In the conversation about this there were women and men involved and the consensus among the women was that, despite all the attempts of us men to scoff and laugh at the matter, size does matter.

I've come to my own conclusion about this.

Women tell us that size doesn't matter and they mean it. But, they mean it when they're talking about a love truncheon being, say, five inches or eight inches long. You can add or subtract your own personal criteria to make the equation work, but it does work.

My theory goes on that it's the extremes that matter. The very women who say that size doesn't matter will say it with truth and conviction. However, confront them with a two inch Uncle Wiggly or a ten inch Uncle Johnston and they'll quite literally be out of their comfort zone.

The friend I told you about earlier said that she didn't really know what to do with the tiny three inch weiner. I asked her, purely for scientific reasons, what she ended up doing. Even as a man I struggle to see how a little thing like that can do a man's job. They say sex, for women, is all in the mind. That's all well and good but surely not if the fellow is sporting a weapon that's more of a handgun than a rifle, a small handgun at that.

The answer was, for her to get maximum enjoyment the best position was with him on top. This surprised me, I would have thought that it would have been better for the chap to be underneath giving the woman more control of the proceedings. No, she said, it didn't work like that. You know how shy and bashful I am at times and I must admit that I hit the edge of my comfort zone at that point and didn't pursue the matter. Unlike the short willied man I didn't want to probe further.

But I've thought about this a lot. Are there any ladies out there who can give some information on this? Have you ever been in this situation? Does size really matter?

As for me?

Well I don't have a two or three incher and I often find myself wishing for a ten incher.

Instead of this huge big thing!


Anonymous said...

RD RD RD.. bless you for trying to make those 5 inch willie boys feel good.

I think the thing with size is.. that the bigger you are, the easier it is to please a women.Its like a normal distribution curve. The 2 incher on one side.. the 10 on the other... but the peak of ease is probably 7 or 8.. perhaps. Mr 5 or 6 has to try harder...can achieve the same results.. but burns up a few more calories.

Soixante Neuf said...


Love truncheon. Classic.

I've never been in this situation. Thankfully, every man I've been with has been pretty nicely sized. None too small, none too big.

I agree with you about size mattering when it comes to the extremes. I'd freak out in both situations - if I came across someone who was really small or really huge. Haha. Like you apparently!!! :P

Also, I have no idea what the plural of 'penis' is. Love truncheons?


Zephyr said...


plural of 'penis' ...
would 'meat popsicles'fit the bill???



Anonymous said...

One of your best posts. May be this topic is your thing??

Eppie said...

The vagina of a woman who hasn't had a child is only 3.0 inches long when she's not sexually excited, and even when she's aroused the average increase in size is only about another inch.

Even if you happened to be packing an impressively long-barreled pistol, anything over the average is going to waste anyway -- there wouldn't be anywhere for those inches to go. Couple that with the fact that the first third of her vagina (the third closest to the opening) is the area that houses all of the nerve endings and is, therefore, the only area that actually registers sensation.

According to a recent survey, 90% of women prefer a wide penis to a long one because increases in length do little to enhance her physical pleasure!

T said...

I've seen a couple unimpressive ones, but never in the 2-3 range. I have a friend who did though, see one not have one that is, and she said it was like sucking on her thumb. haaahhaaaha. i was amused.

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

Anon - Thanks for the comment. It would seem that this contradicts Eppie's opinion, or her comment at least. Is it girth or length or both that matters to you girls?

6 - I was banking on your knowledge in this one!

Zephyr - Yes, I think "meat popsicles" would suffice.

Anon - One of my "specialist" subjects in a manner of speaking!

Eppie - Clearly you don't watch much porn! Sounds like a little 3 inch cubed one would be ideal then.

T - There was me thinking you were so innocent!

Darwin said...

I've been fortunate enough to escape being confronted with a penis of cocktail-sausage dimensions. I honestly wouldn't know what to do with it. On the flip side I've never been confronted with anything bigger than 9" either. That would be scary.

Anonymous said...

i would agree with eppie.. i think girth is the MOST important of all.. thats why MOSt is written in caps.

i would prefer shorter but thicker to longer and thinner.. any day of the week.. bar thursdays.

T said...

but I am! and daaayum Darwin, 9 inches??!