Finding The Ideal Woman, Photographs And Emotions

Ian S, the onetruecoolguy published this post recently that I find extremely interesting. It's about the qualities that he looks for in his ideal woman and how these has changed in the last four years. I was going to leave a comment but realised that it would be about as long as a post, then I thought I might as well write a post anyway.

Ian's post contains his list of five key areas and each one is split into specific points. I won't give the details as I'm sure you'll just click on the link if you're interested. But I find it thought provoking and a bit too logical for my liking. That's the bit I wanted to write about. I know Ian's work is some kind of business analyst thing, something way too technical and complicated for me, but I wonder where there emotion and feelings come into play, if at all, in his hunt for Miss Ideal.

You see it's like this. I was recently asked how I judge a great photograph. I'm no great photographer but I've been attempting to take decent pictures since I was about sixteen. Over the years I've read books and magazines, studied photographs and photographers and spent quite some time peering through viewfinders of the optical and the digital type. I've had masterclasses with Dominic Sansoni and tried to pick up tips about how to take the perfect picture. Oh yes, the theory's all there, even if the practical application is like a young Sri Lankan girl making it big in the US; M.I.A.

I can look at a photograph and judge it on a technical basis. I'm quite comfortable with that. I can spend a few seconds thinking about how the lensman has used the depth of field, how the choice of shutter speed has helped to give a sense of movement to the image, how the rule of thirds has been thrown out of the window to give the picture impact. I can look at the straightness of the horizon, the choice of ISO speed, the lighting conditions and the way the photgrapher clenched his right arse cheek at the point he's pressed the shutter release.

Dom taught me that trick by the way. If you clench the right cheek it somehow adds colour and impact to a photograph, clenching the left one however can add camera shake and ruin a picture totally. If you see him sitting in the garden at Barefoot have a look at his bum and you can often see him practicing this as he's sitting chatting to someone.

But back to the judging photos thing. I usually disregard all that logical and theoretical stuff and ignore my brian totally, something I'm pretty damn good at. Instead I focus on my stomach, something I'm good at too. Specifically I focus on the feeling in my stomach. A great photograph makes me feel excited, not in that "oh my God Soixante Neuf I loved that post and how you described oral sex" way, I mean in that "oooh I feel like I'm just about to go on stage" way. I get a feeling at the top of my stomach and it negates all the logical and very right brain bits.

When I get that feeling I know it's a good photograph, I know that the technical things may, or may not, be there, but they're irrelevant. Like one of those poncey art experts who advise fledgling art collectors to just buy what things they like, I know I like the picture, even if it's photographic equivalent of a dodgy Nike T shirt bought from one of those stalls opposite the Mitsubishi showroom near Odel.

That's the thing about women and Ian's post. For me, looking at a photograph, listening to a song, loving Colombo or finding a partner isn't about the thing or woman, fitting into a nice neat set of ticked boxes or matching all the requirements on the "shopping list"

No, it's just about how I feel when I encounter these things. It's all about gut feeling far more than logic and objectivity.

When I'm casually sitting in a garden minding my own business and dreaming about drums and rice and curry and I get confronted by one of those females things, women, I believe they're called, I'm going to leave the "shopping" list in my pocket. I'll peer at the girl, obviously at certain parts of her body first, then I'll just let my gut feeling take control.

Logic, objectivity and the ticking of boxes can take a hike.

As long as she likes a drummer!