Monday, June 18, 2007

A Very Public Apology to Mr Java Jones of Colombo

I like to think of myself as a big man, in all but physical stature. I want to be recognised as a fellow who can acknowledge and learn from mistakes, who can take those things that others regret and use them as positive experiences to help and grow from.

Mistakes are good, fear is good and nerves are good. As long as we use them in positive ways.

Last week I published this post. In it I alluded to the fact that Java Jones, that Godfather of Sri Lankan bloggers, the man that taught me so much, including the difference between a low country and a Kandyan drum, may be partial to a bit of dodgy porn. I actually said:

"To think of those two having sex is a terrible, terrible vision. If there was a porno film showing it I don't think even someone like Java Jones would watch it. That's the only way I can attempt to portray their ugliness."

Pretty strong words huh? This week I must apologise profusely and genuinely for the hurtful words. With the benefit of hindsight I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself. Java is a Father figure to me, a fellow with the highest morals, who has only ever sent me the best quality pornographic emails. As he pointed out in his comment:

"Hey maan RD,I don be watchin no porn sheet maan. Yo be givin dese folk a wrong idea. My taste be in Fellini,Inarittu, Bergmann, Trufaut, Scorcese,Ozon, Spacey, Lubitsch, Welles and dem sort. So yo take dat back or I be gettin some fat broad dat smells of rotting fish to sort yo ass out."

He did forget to mention Fellatio and Beckham amongst his favourites but it's no big deal. I get the point. No man wants his taste in porn questioned, it's a matter of pride, man's pride, which is second only to women's pride.

So hear ye. In all the time I have known him Mr Java Jones of Colombo has only ever sent me the best quality porn, never anything dodgy featuring a fat Greek woman and a South Indian who smells of dead bodies.

His taste in porn is refined and elegant and his subtitles are never blurred. He is a gentleman of the highest order. As my Dad would say he's the sort of bloke who gets out of the shower to have a pee. They are about the same age too.

Now Java, will you call off that fish woman?

PS - The low country one is straight and cylindrical whereas the Kandyan has that taper to it, the bulge in the middle.


Java Jones said...

Hesus H, maan - yo din't have to go overboard wit dat sheet. Yo be em bareassin my ass again. An now dat I be turnin dat fat broad onto yo sheet, she can't wait fo yo ass to get here. I be doin what I can to turn her off - but no tellin...maybe our buddy Cinimod can help yo out wit shelter at dat Castle Hotel yo like so much.

JL said...

JJ does have some good shit. Last week he sent me something with a big green frog in it. Great stuff. ;)

Java Jones said...

Hey JL - guess who sent dat one to me? Yeah, it be non odder dan dis RD hisself - an I ain't shittin you!! Jus aks his ass an see.

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

He's right JL, the French accent always does it for me.