Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Sri Lankan Drivers!

When I got into work yesterday I went through my normal routine. I won't bore you with details of it, but it's relevant to this post because it involves turning on the radio and sitting at my desk, although the sitting at my desk bit isn't relevant unless you want to get a mental image of what I was doing. Why you'd want to get a mental image of me sitting at my desk is frankly, a mystery to me. You must be some sort of perv or something.

But, now I've set the scene, I'll tell you what happened. I listened to the news on the radio. It mentioned a plane crash at Heathrow. This immediately got my attention and I listened carefully. I'm fond of Heathrow, have pretty much lived all my life within a stone's throw of it, or certainly within a distance that means I never struggle to fall asleep because of aircraft noise nearby.

And a plane crash is big, often sad news, anywhere.

This time the big thing that got my ears as such was the words

"Involving a British Airways Jumbo and a Sri Lankan Airlines Airbus".

I heard almost immediately that it was merely a very minor collision on the runway, wings had been clipped and my next thought was of the inconvenience for the passengers. Off loading and waiting for another plane and all the hassle for the people tht may have had connecting flights and the like.

But then my mind went off on one. A Sri Lankan Airlines plane, crashing, presumably piloted, or driven, by a Sri Lankan. My God the comedic possibilities were endless. What could have been the cause of this accident? I mean it's not as if Sri Lankan drivers are any different to any others in the world is it?

What would the British Airways pilot, or the Sri Lankan airlines pilot fill out on the accident claim form?

"I saw the Sri Lankan pilot put his arm out of the window and beckon with his right arm in a cupping motion. I thought he was telling me it was safe to overtake."

"As I procceded through the green light the Sri Lankan plane came from the other direction and drove straight through a red light. He tooted his horn."

"Although it was my plane and I was supposed to be in it, it was actually my driver who was driving and he is now absconding" (said the SL pilot in case you were puzzled there)

"No I didn't think the BA plane would pull out because I had horned to tell him I was about to overtake."

"I couldn't stop the SL plane in time because we had seventeen times its maximum payload on board."

"I had my hazard lights on and the Sri Lankan plane seemed to think that meant I was going straight on."

"I heard a horn, saw the Sri Lankan plane pull out in front of me with no signalling, then the pilot started to gesticulate at me for not stopping in time."

"We had the President on board and I assumed the whole of the airport had been closed to all others so that we could take off."

And so on.


Anonymous said...

actually the pilot was a filipina

Bea said...

Love it...(even if the driver wasn't Sri Lankan)

I miss Sri Lankan driving, now I get much more scared in the UK, everyone seems to obey the rules most of the time...but with random acts of madness...and I never know when they will do something stupid, at least in SL its predictable.

Confab said...

"sorry i wasn't looking while reversing"

Anonymous said...

BA pilot- The SL air plane was going ahead of me , rushing to take off. a dark guy (presumably a Sri lankan) ran on to the runway with his hand lugage and put his hand out as if to stop the plane. Next thing i know the SL plane applies brake and opens the door.