Long Straight Arse Length Hair

As a rule I don't make generalisations.

But what is it about men with long hair that puts that puzzled look, that screwed up nose and lip curled look, like Elvis smelling some asparagus pee, on my face?

I've reread the previous sentence a few times, fully understanding the importance of getting my commas in the right places. With one wrong key stroke I could have given you the impression that I was referring to Elvis smelling some asparagus pee on my face. I think I've got it right but you know what they say; pride comes before, a fall.

It's not casual long hair I'm referring to here. A chap can have a tad of wild hair, a bit scraggly and a bit mad and I'm quite okay with that. But it's that long straight hair that comes down to a fellow's arse that turns me into asparagus Elvis, or Asparagelvis as I'd like to be known. Think of Jane Seymour's hair in Live and Let Die and you'll know what I mean. It's all well and good on a sexy Bond girl, just a very different concept on a cigar smoking fifty cigar smoking biker with a beer belly, or any man for that matter.

But the thing that mystifies me is what must be going on in the chap's head. We know what's happening outside his head but it's the workings of the grey matter that bother me. Style is a subjective and perplexing thing anyway, but this tangent of it is beyond me.

There are people, men and women, who have little or no sense of style. I accept them with a begrudging grimace. Many of them are academics whose heads are so full of theories and ideas about changing the world, understanding why it it like it is and then writing something about it, that they just don't have the spare mental capacity to ponder on the latest trend in striped underwear. You and I gaze dreamily at the latest mens' magazine and the styleless types browse this month's issue of New Academic.

There are also people with a different sense of style to others. They're okay too. They may not wear things that I'd choose, we all have different tastes and different things suit different horses anyway, but they're on the good side of the line.

And then there are the men with long straight arse length hair. Veddahs, lead guitarists and people like that who just don't cut their hair because they don't know any different are excused here. A chap who thinks about his appearance, who makes a positive, proactive and considered decision to grow his hair all the way down his back, has got to be barking mad hasn't he?

One word.

Fucking weirdos.