Friday, March 30, 2007

Testing Times

Life is a learning curve for me. I like to soak up knowledge and I like to gather information. More often than not the things I learn sit in my brain, probably somewhere near the right ear, waiting to be used at the appropriate moment.

Then, when that moment shows up, often a long time after said fact has been digested, my brain forgets that it ever knew the fact and sails on regardless, just when the little bit of knowledge would have come in useful. The following day, which may as well be the following year, that now useless bit of knowledge springs to the surface again and I think "Ah if only I'd said that".

But, I continue to learn. There are three drum magazines that arrive at Rhythmic Towers every month, there are shelves of those management theory books and there are magazines of every type on my desk. If there's an old management adage, like "mistakes are good as long as you learn from them" or "there are no problems, only opportunities", then you'll probably hear me spouting it at some point, if spouting can be heard, but I suspect it's silent.

So, as I go through a fairly big event in my life, it may come as little surprise to people who know me that I am treating it as a learning experience, a fuck of a massive one.

And one of the specific things I am learning in this is who my real friends are. In a short time I have made some surprising discoveries. Coves who I had thought were good buddies have surprised me with their inability to show empathy and chaps who I had thought were idiots have amazed me with their generosity of spirit and friendship.

That's what happens with friendships isn't it. You can have one for years, then a situation occurs that stretches it and it gets tested to its limits. I'm continually fascinated by friendships between colleagues. I've had many of these that have seemed to be real and strong but, when one of you leaves the Company at which you had both worked, the relationship fades into oblivion.

I've had seemingly strong ties with others when we have both been in the same band that have gone the same way into oblivion. Sometimes I have realised that our bond has been quite superficial. It's a bond based on a fragile bedrock. When that bond gets broken and there's no area of mutual interest left then problems arise.

On the other hand a true friendship can last through different periods and stages in a lifetime. Brothers can be good like that, they can be annoying at times but, in times of need they're always there.

So, I'm learning about friends, who my true ones are and who my flakey ones are. And, by a strange coincidence I have a plain chocolate Cadbury's Flake bar on my desk as I wrote that. Alanis would probably call that ironic. It's not.

Then, with this great mysterious happening in my life, I've ruminated at some length on whether I should blog about it. I know I've got some regular readers and still haven't decided on the issue.

It's deep, it's personal, it's got lots of happiness and lots of sadness, rather like the very last episode of Father Ted. On one hand I feel as if it could be quite good to chuck my innermost thoughts on a very personal issue out in this blog. Yet, on the other hand, I don't think it would be fair to many.

For now, I'll probably just continue to ramble on about random stuff, treat the whole thing as a massive learning experience and drum.

Have a good weekend all.

PS - The Flake has been eaten. Damn fine!!


Indyana said...

If it's really personal, be careful. i wonder if it's the time of year or something, everyone's going through a bad patch,me included...

Ami said...

I too have wondered about these things called 'friendships'.
The friendships we believe to be life long & strong, the ones we think we can trust with our life, the kind we feel comfortable to pour our innermost feelings, in most cases prove to be not so with time.

We live & believe in the moment & what we believe to be deep & lasting only needs a breeze to blow away.

Our lives progress & we head off in different directions & so does our friendships.

We may meet these friends somewhere down the line & we will be euphoric of the chance but after all the ‘catching up’ & ‘we must keep in touch’ & ‘hugs & kisses’ we part, promising regular contact henceforth. However, majority of the time nothing eventuate beyond that chance meeting, as we go about our daily lives.

Sometimes is it because we ‘felt’ both have changed with time & evolved into different beings, to that we were familiar with?

That rather brings about the sibling issue. Are we connected to our siblings, in true sense, because of our bloodline? Is there nothing deeper than that?
Sorry, got carried away with personal experiences, when you mentioned ‘Friendships’

Anonymous said...

one thing i've learned is that friends, sometimes, though they care for you a lot, are unable to relate to what u may be going through, and r therefore unable to empathize. its got a lot to do with life experiences and exposure from all i know..

when they r unable to relate, they tend to "freak out" at times and drift from you, or tend to simply move away coz they dont understand whats going on and dont know how to deal with it. many, at later points in life, when they themselves have either been through something similar or experienced it through someone else known to them (they'd be a little more open n slower to rush off that time around coz they've already had a touch of it once before), would even be quite apologetic about their previous behavior upon realization.

expect as little as possible. that way you find less disappointment and will often be surpised by the generosity people r capable of..

what ever it is that ur going through, hope ur hanging in there..


Rhythmic Diaspora said...

Indyana - YOu know, I try to think of it as a really great patch, one with some negatives but with far more positives as well. Life's all about freedom and choices really isn't it?

ami - Thanks, there's not much I feel I can add to it.

Mala - Thanks to you too. Hope you're well