Camp Aniston Or Jolie?

There are many "the world is divided into two types of people" statements. One of my favourites tells us that the two types are whose who divide the world up into two types of people and those who don't. I think, through my intensive research, that I've stumbled upon the definitive one.

Me, Ozcuz and my Dad were watching a film the other night, "Wanted" was its name and it starred Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman and some others. It was ostensibly about assasins and a secret closed group of people with special skills called The Fraternity, a bit like Freemasons only with the power to make bullets go round corners.

The plot was irrelevant, it really was an excuse to chuck every special effect at the viewer and a car chase that had the three of us perched on the edge of our seat. At one point my Dad almost woke, it was that exciting. There were twists, turns and suprises in both the plot and the car chase.

I kept up with those in the car chase but got quite lost with the plot, particularly when it came to some sort of thing about rats wearing digital watches. Ozcuz kept up with it all quite happily. In the couple of days I've got to know him a bit I've realised that he's an intelligent fellow, I assume he gets this from the other side of his family.

He clearly understood everything that went on, probably with brainpower left over. I pretended to understand, not wanting him to realise what a dunce I am. We ate dinner during the film and he wolfed his way through chicken kievs and rice while keeping up with everything that was going on, that's how bright the bloke is. I had garlic butter dribbling down my chin and got stuck with the exploding rats and digital watch business.

Ms Jolie paraded around in her usual role; half action woman, half all over body tattoo and half plastic. I assume she must be a huge Rolling Stones fan with those Mick Jagger lips she's now got. I'm no fan but she certainly plays the one part pretty well.

She's like a snake to me. I'll explain that for you; I hate snakes, they give me the creeps. The thought of one of the slithery fellows makes my face screw up in a look of "chee" and a sharp intake of breath. But, I'm fascinated by them. If I see one I have to watch it, it's probably called snako masochism. And that's what Mrs Pitt does for me, she kind of captivates me.

While we were watching I casually remarked to Ozcuz that I cannot, for the life of me, see why someone would swap Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. Our Jen is close to perfection in a multi millionaire film star whose Godfather used to be Kojak sort of way. Angelina is scary, bad and mad, though that's just my opinion.

Ozcuz agreed with me and retorted with a memorable line

"Yes, I'm firmly in Camp Aniston myself."

My further investigations indicate that men are divided. I quizzed the chaps at band practice the next night.

C, the keyboardist, is one of us.

C, the singer mind, is one of them, loving the Jolie.

A, the bassist appears over on our side.

B, the guitarist is in the Jolie camp.

There are no grey areas to this. It's a fact, maybe even a law of nature.

All men are firmly in either Camp Aniston or Camp Jolie.

Where are you?


PS - If your name is Brad Pitt you can bugger off, we're not interested.