Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Camp Aniston Or Jolie?

There are many "the world is divided into two types of people" statements. One of my favourites tells us that the two types are whose who divide the world up into two types of people and those who don't. I think, through my intensive research, that I've stumbled upon the definitive one.

Me, Ozcuz and my Dad were watching a film the other night, "Wanted" was its name and it starred Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman and some others. It was ostensibly about assasins and a secret closed group of people with special skills called The Fraternity, a bit like Freemasons only with the power to make bullets go round corners.

The plot was irrelevant, it really was an excuse to chuck every special effect at the viewer and a car chase that had the three of us perched on the edge of our seat. At one point my Dad almost woke, it was that exciting. There were twists, turns and suprises in both the plot and the car chase.

I kept up with those in the car chase but got quite lost with the plot, particularly when it came to some sort of thing about rats wearing digital watches. Ozcuz kept up with it all quite happily. In the couple of days I've got to know him a bit I've realised that he's an intelligent fellow, I assume he gets this from the other side of his family.

He clearly understood everything that went on, probably with brainpower left over. I pretended to understand, not wanting him to realise what a dunce I am. We ate dinner during the film and he wolfed his way through chicken kievs and rice while keeping up with everything that was going on, that's how bright the bloke is. I had garlic butter dribbling down my chin and got stuck with the exploding rats and digital watch business.

Ms Jolie paraded around in her usual role; half action woman, half all over body tattoo and half plastic. I assume she must be a huge Rolling Stones fan with those Mick Jagger lips she's now got. I'm no fan but she certainly plays the one part pretty well.

She's like a snake to me. I'll explain that for you; I hate snakes, they give me the creeps. The thought of one of the slithery fellows makes my face screw up in a look of "chee" and a sharp intake of breath. But, I'm fascinated by them. If I see one I have to watch it, it's probably called snako masochism. And that's what Mrs Pitt does for me, she kind of captivates me.

While we were watching I casually remarked to Ozcuz that I cannot, for the life of me, see why someone would swap Jennifer Aniston for Angelina Jolie. Our Jen is close to perfection in a multi millionaire film star whose Godfather used to be Kojak sort of way. Angelina is scary, bad and mad, though that's just my opinion.

Ozcuz agreed with me and retorted with a memorable line

"Yes, I'm firmly in Camp Aniston myself."

My further investigations indicate that men are divided. I quizzed the chaps at band practice the next night.

C, the keyboardist, is one of us.

C, the singer mind, is one of them, loving the Jolie.

A, the bassist appears over on our side.

B, the guitarist is in the Jolie camp.

There are no grey areas to this. It's a fact, maybe even a law of nature.

All men are firmly in either Camp Aniston or Camp Jolie.

Where are you?

PS - If your name is Brad Pitt you can bugger off, we're not interested.


A Virile Nagalingam said...

i hated Friends and the culture that grew around it and love metal and all associated Jolie it is. Actually I could give a Ganesha's vehicle's boot about either of these vapid, botoxed, colon-cleansed excuses for masturbatory material.

Indyana said...

It's Jen for me! And on another note between Joey and Ross,it's Ross!

Dinidu said...

Aniston... :)

Anonymous said...

Camp Aniston all the way! :)

N said...

Can't have both at the same time?:D

But I'm in the Aniston camp meself...prefer cute to hot.

David Blacker said...

I'm actually surprised guys could pick one over the other -- it's sorta like asking "Do you like Chicken Biryani or Scotch?"

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

AVN - stop holding back, tell us what you really think!

Indyana - a woman to change the topic like that.

N - I think it's only Mr Pitt who could have both.

Noooo - They're both women, just different flavoured

Gallicissa said...

I too am in camp Aniston.
Good one Daivd!

Anonymous said...

i'd like to stay in camp joile for about 1 night and then move on to camp aniston and spend a considerable amount of time there! :)

Jerry said...

While we're at it, I want to know the exact location of the fountain of youth too.

Scrumpulicious said...

I'd always been an Aniston girl until I saw Wanted. But that scene where Jolie just gets out of the wax bath blew me away! She looked good.

However I saw Changeling last night and for the life of me couldn't fathom why someone would choose her over Aniston.

So I'm back in Aniston's camp! :)

FINroD said...

since we are already playing the fantasy game how about having them both at the same time.. :P yummay... lol

ViceUnVersa said...

I am kinda with Davy. I would love to do them both, preferably at the same time.

Sachintha said...

Camp Jolie for sure!
Hell man... Aniston doesn't even come close...
But then that's just me...

Gypsy said...

Jennifer Aniston just has a great stylist and personal trainer. She's not even pretty. At all. Seriously.

Angelina Jolie actually IS beautiful. Strong, sexy and feminine all at the same time. She is a goddess. It's like comparing the Athene to Rachel from Friends. Ugh.

ViceUnVersa said...

PS: Will anyone of them take it from behind. Jennifer looks likely. Must ask Brad?

jadedshades said...

Ok so a girls point of view. I totally get the whole "I love Angie "community and the "I love Jen" community. But aren't you all kinda judging them by their performances in movies? Angie does roles that take her away from the normal person she is and Jen is the opposite, mostly choosing roles that are more like her own self.

The reason i say this is coz i used to get all weird watching Angie too like you did, and thought her to be a slightly odd maniacal kinda person. Until i saw some interviews with her on Ellen. She is a NICE and very CUTE person. Utterly different from her persona on screen. And i can understand why Mr. Pitt took to her so much.

Don't believe me? Have a watch...

Hope i changed your mind... if not Oh well.. heh heh... I'm still for Angie!!!

Rise of the Fallen said...

Jolieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

ViceUnVersa - I remember reading an article about Brad & Jolie's neigbours complaining about loud noises that sounded like animals... apparently it was just them getting funky... so I'm guessing xD

Theena said...

Can't understand the fuss over Aniston. An unhesitating vote for Angelina.

David Blacker said...

Why do you women have to overanalyse everything?

NO, we DON'T care if one of 'em is strong and feminine. And NO we DON'T like one of 'em 'cos she's Rachel or Ghia or whatever. All we care about is how they'd be in the sack -- and until one of them does a Paris Hilton, we won't know.

Chill, chicks, we don't care about their personalities.

Gypsy said...

@ David: "All we care about is how they'd be in the sack"

Typical of men.

Aamina said...

Camp Jolie all the way...!!
i dont really see the fuss over aniston.....shes jus average...
n jolie makes a more striking pic

jadedshades said...

@ David - You just care if their good in the sack?

Fine... watch "Original Sin" and see if that gets your heart rate up along with other things then.

Sorry don't know of any movies with sex scenes Jenny is in.

That said... hopefully you wont get too analytical about her technique in bed when you watch it. If you do... well that makes you one of us CHICKS now doesnt it? =)

Oh the HORROR!

David Blacker said...

I watched 'Original Sin' some years ago. Not sure what your point is, though.

'Derailed' has a sex scene with Jennifer Aniston.

But anyway. Who said anything about technique?