Tuesday, November 4, 2008

How To Protect My House

Let's just pretend I have a house. I live there and everyone knows where it is, it's a distinctive sort of place with lots of other people in it.

One night you decide attack it. You want to break in a do a bit of vandalism. You creep up, I'm sitting there quite happily watching TV or porn or maybe practicing. You do a bit of damage and generally make me feel a bit uneasy.

So I turn the lights off. Then various people in their own rooms in my house turn on their own battery powered torches anyway. They don't want to deal with the discomfort, but it doesn't really matter that you might see the lights in their room because my house is the biggest, perhaps the only big one around anyway.

I stand in a corridor, I run around the house and hit people randomly. I might hit you, the enemy, but you've probably gone, I might hit my family, my kids or anyone else in the house. It doesn't matter, I just want to show that I'm doing something.

It's a vague sort of plan.

I reckon it would be far more effective if I got myself a good burglar alarm and some warning systems.

Or did I miss something?


Soixante Neuf said...


To re-cap, your plan to protect your house is to switch off the lights mid-porn-viewing, and hit people?

I think you need another plan. I see some possible loop-holes.

Also, that was one of the most random posts ever. Still made me smile. You get a kiss for that. Mwah :)


Indyana said...

Oh is that what it is!A random post? Glad to see I'm not the only one who does it!

Anonymous said...

rd I enjoy your posts. but wtf

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

Well I must admit I really didn't expect this reaction!

6 - thanks

Dinidu said...

Get a dog! A Mastiff! I'm in love with them these days. That's what I've decided I want. A Mastiff.

And a guinea pig.

FINroD said...

Thts becos nobody has got a clue wat in the world u are on about!! hehehehe... if u hadnt told me about it earlier neither would i.. mate care to explain to the poor folks on blogger world out there...

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

Well I guess I should tell you all that I was attempting (obviously feebly) to draw a parallel with the Sri Lankan air defence of Colombo last week. Sometimes these things work, this time it just didn't. Oh well.

Foxhound said...

Burglar alarm... and maybe workout in a gym... ;)

A Virile Nagalingam said...

Move to america for six months. Live the famous rat-race and then you'll return a raging brown mass of brutality.

I'm guessing a firearm is out, so a recording of Fran Drescher, triggered by a busted lock, is your best option.

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

AVN - perhaps work in a 7-11 or something?

ddm said...

haha! shame that flew over some heads :)

A Virile Nagalingam said...

any white-collar job would suffice. I admit i didn't get it at first, but it is well done.

ddm said...


Cow Economics


You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.


You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it


You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.


You have two cows.

One day a burglar comes and you switch the lights off so he can't see your cows to steal them. You throw stones randomly to hit the burglar. You hit one cow and it dies.

You milk the other cow and have some tea. Life goes on.

Rhythmic Diaspora said...

DDM - Brilliant, thanks.